Friday, December 30, 2005

Jon & Angie



My little brother is getting married today. Unfortunately, with Rosie being so small we were unable to make the trip so I'm sitting here wondering how it's going, what everyone is doing, what I'm missing.

I was very lucky to meet his fiancee, Angie, in May when we were in Texas. She's a tiny little red-headed thing and from what I hear she's been a huge blessing to Jon and Dyllin. I so wish I could've been there to throw her a bridal shower but hopefully I can make up for it with a baby shower within a few years. They're getting married in about an hour. I wonder how they're feeling. I'd love to see my family all dressed up. It's so rare that we do these kinds of things. Nikki has promised me lots of photos and all the details. I hope it's going well.

It suddenly hit me last week that Angie won't just be Jon's wife and Dyl's stepmom, she'll be my sister-in-law and aunt to Tobes and Rosie. I've been showing Toby her photo and telling him about his new Aunt Angie. It's so exciting to have a new member of the family.

I hope they're enjoying their day.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Christmas highlights

  • A few days before Christmas I was in the kitchen preparing Toby's lunch, Rosie was in her bouncy chair in the living room and Tobes was pottering about. I put his lunch on the table and went in to get Rosie to find her wide-eyed and covered head to toe in gold glitter. "TOBY!! Did you put glitter on your sister?!" "Mommy, I wanted to make her sparkly." Rosie sparkled for days afterward because getting the glitter out of the fuzz on her head was virtually impossible.

  • A few days later and Tobes is refusing to eat his lunch. "I'm going to save my lunch for Santa." "Toby, I don't think Santa wants your lunch. Mrs Claus will make Santa's lunch for him." "But Mommy, he's very fat. He needs to eat a lot so he can eat my lunch too."

  • On Christmas Eve Rosie laughs for the first time when Elizabeth says in a silly Southern accent "Pass the hairspray, Rosie Rae." That little detail will definitely be going into the baby book.

  • 3.15am on Christmas morning. "MOMMY! DADDY! SANTA"S BEEN HERE!! GET UP!" Yes, we got up.

  • 6.00am the day after Christmas. "Has Santa been here again??"

  • The day after Christmas and Tobes is not eating his lunch again (do you see a theme here?). I try to encourage him to eat and he gets a sly look and says "Santa's not watching me now. I can be naughty again." Oh dear.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Another quick update

The days are so full right now. Quick updates are about all I can manage. I've got a bunch of photos I want to add to the blog too including one of Rosie's rare smiles. Actually, she's smiling a lot more now and is becoming a real Daddy's girl. When J starts talking to her she lights up and she gives her biggest and best smiles to him. It's so lovely to see that stern little face break into a big cheesy grin... and Rosie's smiles are pretty cute too.

J and I did our supermodel bit on Saturday and had a great time. They did my hair really curly which was fun but reminded me of my bouffant highschool hair. Everyone at the shoot was so nice. I was nervous that they would all be supercool and pity us for being so old and parental. In fact, the opposite was true. It was like stumbling into a Bridget Jones movie. I finally understand the true meaning of Smug Marrieds and it was very strange being one of them for the day.

As J and I were getting ready to leave I overheard them discussing whose hands to use for the next shoot. I volunteered my services and, since I had 'fewer bones' in my hands than the others, they accepted! So I did a bit of hand modelling too. I had to hold various bits of tacky lingerie over a garbage bin. Very glamourous.

AND now I'm doing an article in a pregnancy magazine! I'm being interviewed about my pregnancy witn Rosie and I'll be doing another shoot. I'm going to have to start charging for my services. Cindy Crawford watch out.

Now we're building up to Christmas. I've been spending far too much on presents for the kiddos and J and I are treating ourselves a bit too. I bought some lovely boots today that remind me of the episode of Friends where Monica buys the boots. Hopefully these won't make my feet bleed like hers did but I feel just as excited about them.

Toby has his school Christmas party tomorrow. They've got Father Christmas coming to see the children and Tobes is really excited. On Christmas Eve we're meeting up with the lovely Mary Catherine and her parents at Canary Wharf for morning coffee. In the evening we're going to the Christmas Eve procession here in Blackheath. They have Mary, Joseph and the donkey walk through the village. The procession ends at All Saints church on the heath where everyone sings carols. Christmas day is just the four of us here at home and I do the whole turkey, sprouts and parsnips lunch. On Boxing Day we're going up to see J's family and see Jenny & Kieran. The day after Boxing Day we're planning to do a walk for charity through Greenwich Park but we may stay in Cambridge instead. We'll just play it by ear.

And I think that's all for now. Time for bed.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Quick update

Well, still ill. We all trouped down to the doctors today and are now all on antibiotics. Hopefully this will finally get us over being sick. Poor little Rosie, she's six weeks old tomorrow and has spent five weeks ill. She hasn't had any fever but is a snotty little thing. The doc said she had some fluid on her lungs too but that it was nothing to worry about and the antibiotics would clear it right up. J and I have bronchitis and Tobes has a chest infection. So exhausting.

In more exciting news, J and I are being featured in a British magazine! I'm going to wait and see how it turns out before I broadcast the details but it's a glossy monthly women's magazine and the article is about lasting love (ah bless). We answered various questions and a specialist gave her feedback on our relationship. It was actually all very positive but some of the questions were about s-e-x so we want to see exactly what makes it into the article before we tell everyone to go and look for it. We've got the photo shoot on Friday and I spoke to the magazine's art director today and gave her our clothing sizes. They're doing hair, make-up, styling, the whole bit. Lord knows what we're going to look like. I still feel like a heffalump after the pregnancy but I'm hoping they can work their magic and make me look svelte.

Last Friday Tobes had his nativity play at school. Toby was in the Male Choir and wore red trousers, a white shirt and a Santa hat. He did very well though about halfway through the production he stood on stage, looked at us out in the audience and said very loudly 'I'm tired!' He had had a big morning. Of course, I made a complete idiot of myself and cried my way through a stack of tissues. It was just so amazing to be watching my little boy in a school play while my little girl slept in her Daddy's arms next to me. In that moment all my dreams had come true. So, so happy right now.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Navel gazing

Three things have happened in the last week that have made me stop and think.

The first one was last week as I was finishing French Women Don't Get Fat (thinking about losing the baby weight). At the end of the book the author talks about life stages and breaks them down into age groups that include 17-34 and 35-55. It suddenly hit me that in about six weeks I'll be moving into the latter category. When I read that section it struck terror into my heart. It's all about metabolism slowing down, loss of bone density and even discusses menopause! Good heavens.

Then on Friday Toby's school hired a little theatre company to come and do Puss in Boots for the children. I went to pick Tobes up just as the actors were loading the van. Tobes was a bit starstruck so we stopped to chat and tell them how much Toby had enjoyed the show. The group was made up of about half a dozen guys and girls in their early twenties. As Tobes and I were walking home with Rosie in the stroller I realised something that really frightened me - to those fresh young people I was virtually invisible. I was a Mother and I wasn't 'young'. If they had been forced to call me by name they would've called me Mrs Futers. The girls could not imagine being friends with me and the boys, god forbid, could not imagine sleeping with me.

Now, I'm not hankering for my youth but this was the first time that I felt older than other people who would be considered adults themselves. It's one thing to feel the differences between yourself and a group of grotty teenagers, quite another to feel so far from something that still seems so close.

Then yesterday, another disconcerting experience. I finally got around to taking the bottle of champagne that's been knocking around the trunk of our car for weeks to our estate agent. It's a thank you present for all of her hard work with the buying of the flat. The agent is named Miranda . She's in her mid-late twenties and in the raging insanity of pregnancy I was convinced that J was either having an affair with her or hoping to. Now, I didn't really think that J was having an affair but I did, and still do, think that if he was going to have an affair the person would be someone like Miranda.

She's very London. Very well-dressed but not uptight. Quite pretty and very well groomed. Business-like to the point of being curt at times but can turn on the charm when necessary. If I'm being honest, she reminds me of myself at the same age... or at least my hopeful perception of myself at that age. Yesterday I was much more struck by our differences. Miranda had her hair highlighted since the last time I saw her and it had obviously been blow-dried that morning because it looked soft and smooth. This was in stark contrast to my own hair. I too had washed my hair that morning but had then quickly shoved it into a ponytail while it was still wet so that I could wipe Toby's bottom and get Rosie her bottle. As I stood in the real estate office in Miranda's glow I suddenly realised that I hadn't even looked in the mirror before leaving the house. Ugh. I had at least remembered to brush my teeth. Yay.

Miranda asked how we were doing and I said that we were fine but that we all had this awful cold that's been going around. She replied that she had it too and wasn't it dreadful. Again, the differences stood out in stark relief. She was poised, groomed and had her make up on. I, on the other hand, knew from experience that my face would be bright red from the cold and I could actually see the dry flakes on the end of my nose from blowing it constantly and I knew that I looked as knackered as I felt. Add to this picture Miranda's chic little skirt and my sweatpants with dirty hems because they're too long without the bump to hold them up and you can understand my discomfort.

As I stood talking to her, trying to maintain my composure while I became increasingly concerned as each difference made itself obvious to me, I saw Rosie spit up out of the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped the sick off her mouth and the snot from her nose before saying goodbye. I awkwardly backed the stroller out of the office door, laden like a packhorse with the nappy bag and my bulging handbag. As I waved goodbye I noticed Miranda pick up a tiny elegant handbag and virtually glide into the next office. Ugh again.

Now what does all of this mean? Do I want to be twenty again? No. Do I want to be Miranda? Absolutely not. Do I have a new position and identity to which I need to adjust? Definitely. Being 31 with one child is a far cry from being 35 with two children. It's getting serious now. I may just have to grow up.

Hopefully not too much though.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Watch this

I am loving the BBC sitcom called Blessed. It's about a thirty-something couple in London with two children (you can see why I love it). If you have children and you haven't seen it you are missing out. Some of the dialogue is a bit heavy but it makes me cry with laughter at least once every week. It's on Fridays on BBC1.

You can read about it and watch a couple of video clips here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/b/blessed_999051007.shtml

I love the clip about the Family Desk Diary. We have a calendar in the kitchen where everything is supposed to be written down. Their conversation reminds me of one that J and I had when he suggested we go more technological, get me a Palm Pilot or something and 'sync' our diaries rather than just write them down in the kitchen. You can imagine my response.

Quick update






As you can imagine, it's been chaos here. At the moment we're all sick AGAIN and suffering with colds. Here are a few pics taken in the last couple of weeks. Unfortunately, a few pics is about all I have the energy for at the moment.

The pics include one of my whole little family, a few of the kiddos and one of Tobes and Rosie when they both fell asleep at the same time last week. I didn't know what to do with myself!

You can see that Rosie Rae is still a very solemn child. She even scowls in her sleep but I did get my first full-on, looking me straight in the eyes smile yesterday. It was fleeting and hasn't been repeated but it was absolutely heart stopping. Still makes me weepy just thinking about it. Last night J got all teary watching Phoebe's wedding on Friends and thinking about perhaps walking Rosie down the aisle one day. Christ, we're soppy old sods.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Some pics



Here's Tobes with his Papa and Nana and a pic in his new coat, hat and gloves. I posted the bathtub pic in the baby blog but had to post it hear too. It's just so cute!

God help us

Tobes is still ill. I'm taking him back to the doctor's tomorrow. Counting the trips to the emergency room this will be our sixth visit to the doctor in two weeks. Rosie is on antibiotics, J had conjunctivitis and I am losing my mind.

If we didn't have Toby's illness to deal with I think things would be fine. Rosie has fallen into a 3-4 hour routine so I could get some reasonable sleep. The problem is still Toby waking up and being up for hours every night. We now think he might have the flu as he keeps complaigning about his neck and legs hurting as well as having a sore throat and being very congested. I hope they can diagnose something. Just giving it a name will be a relief. Right now it feels like we're never going to be well.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What a week


Rosie and I came home on Friday. On Saturday Toby wasn't feeling well. On Sunday night Tobes started vomiting and J eventually had to take him to the emergency room. At one point they suspected meningitis and he was fitted for an IV. He was sent home three hours later and we were told that he just had a very bad virus. On Monday night J took Tobes back to the emergency room with a scary high fever that we couldn't get down. They prescribed antibiotics. On Monday Tobes was much better. On Tuesday night Tobes started itching and came up in a rash and we discovered that he's allergic to penicillin. On Wednesday I took Tobes to the doctor (even though I'm not supposed to be driving. J had to go to work so there weren't many options.) They said Tobes had a virus, made a note about his penicillin allergy and sent us home with no more antibiotics much to my frustration. Wednesday night Tobes was up all night with fever which jumped to 102 degrees this morning. Today I took him back to the doctor's and I was in an even worse mood than yesterday. They prescribed a different antibiotic. Poor little thing is exhausted. Hopefully this medicine will be the answer.

Of course, while all of this has been going on we've been adjusting to life with Rosie and I've been trying to recover from surgery. J has picked up Toby's bug and been trying to do some work this week. Thank God Mom and Dad have been here. They've been doing a lot of Rosie's care and feeding (not sure the child will recognise me after they leave), keeping the house tidy, doing tons of laundry and making sure we all eat. I really can't imagine the state we'd be in without them.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Some pics



Here's Tobes in his roles as Buzz Lightyear and proud big brother. More baby pics in the Baby Blog.

Friday, November 04, 2005

And then there were four

Rosamund Rae arrived at 3.14pm on Tuesday 1November, which everyone who reads this blog is probably very much aware of already.

You may not know that we're all home now. I'm still walking hunched over with boobs like missiles, Rosie has slept all day, Toby's head seems to be spinning and J is shell-shocked. Luckily Mom and Dad are here to witness the chaos and make sure we all eat.

More in the Baby Blog...

Monday, October 31, 2005

Halloween


With everything going on at the moment we really wanted to make sure that Tobes had a fun Halloween. His little life has been turned upside down with changing schools, moving house and preparing for a new baby in the house. Not to mention, putting up with a heavy, exhausted mother. So on Sunday we had the lovely Mary Catherine and her lovely Mom and Dad over to decorate pumpkins and cupcakes. Have you ever seen more gorgeous children?! Tobes and MC get on so well and they had a brilliant time playing which meant that the grown ups had a brilliant time chatting (and eating one or two cupcakes).

MC's Nana sent our own little Cupcake a welcome present of a little sleeping bag which has been washed and packed into my hospital bag. (Many thanks!!)

Mom and Dad arrived this morning and are sleeping off the jetlag as I type. It was great to see them and Tobes was in overdrive with excitement. Tonight we got him dressed into his Buzz Lightyear costume and he and J went trick or treating. Halloween is still a very small holiday here so there were only three or four houses welcoming trick or treaters, but that was plenty for Tobes. The sign here is putting out a jack o'lantern. If there's a jack o'lantern visible then the house is celebrating Halloween and treats are being handed out. We put out the two pumpkins that Tobes painted and one that J made along with a little lantern. We had about a dozen trick or treaters in total, which isn't bad for England.

Now Tobes is crashed out and Mom & Dad are fast asleep. J and I are starting to prepare for the big day tomorrow. I can barely believe that Cupcake is going to be here in less than 24 hours. (More in my pregnancy blog.)

Friday, October 28, 2005

Busy, busy, busy

Today is my baby shower. Because in this modern age no one stays in the same place for long, my friends are scattered all over England. Our new flat is the most central location so everyone is coming here. I did feel a little nervous about hosting a gathering just two weeks after we moved in but the place has come together and I'm really looking forward to it. I think it'll be good for Tobes to have some of his friends over too (because it's on Friday it's just my stay-at-home mom friends and their children). Hopefully this will really christen the flat and make it even more of a home.

This weekend we're going to do some Halloween stuff and make cakes and carve pumpkins. Hopefully the lovely Mary Catherine and her parents will be able to join us. I'd like to see as many people as possible before D-Day on Tuesday when the baby is born. I have no idea what this baby will be like so no idea what life will be like after she arrives. I want to embrace some normality before then.

And on Monday Mom and Dad arrive! If you read Dad's comment on the previous entry I have to tell you that he's barely joking about their luggage. The things that I know Mom is bringing include:

Hamburger Helper, Chicken Helper, Velveeta, Ro-tel, cornbread mix, Halloween chocolates, eight different outfits for Cupcake, four blankets for Cupcake, two pairs of trousers for Tobes with various tops, PJ bottoms for J, fajita seasoning... and the list goes on.

It's going to be like Christmas when they get here.

We're hoping to take Mom and Dad out for a nice meal before they leave and there's a restaurant we've been to a few times in the OXO Tower that we'd like to go to. It overlooks the Thames and has wonderful views of Parliament and Big Ben. You can't fly 4000 miles to London and not see Big Ben. I know I won't be ready for public transportation by then and, once the baby arrives and we have two car seats, we won't all fit in our car. Hmmmm, what to do?

My solution was that we rent a larger car for a couple of days. I suggested we choose something that we would actually consider buying so that we can try it out. Maybe the 7-seater version of what we already drive. 'Great idea', says J. Last night I noticed he was looking at a car rental website called Eurostyle and the page he was on included an M Class Mercedes, some huge Land Rover thing, the Porsche 4X4 and a Hummer. Not quite what I had in mind but a man can dream.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Gas... and more gas

I've been feeling a bit better and decided to check off a few things on my list on Monday. I organised a glazier to come out and give us a quote to repair a window, cut some tabletops and put an extractor fan in the bathroom. Then I called Transco to come out and check an old gaspipe in the sitting room. J and I had been getting whiffs of gas for a few days and wanted to have it tested. Well, there was a leak and the end result was that Transco had to shut off our gas until I could get an engineer out to repair it. This meant three days without heat, hot water or a stove. The fun never stops.

Luckily British Gas came out today and it's all back on again so tonight will be a festival of baths and showers and the flat will probably feel like a sauna. I'm not making any promises about cooking.

J and I decided to have curry delivered Monday night since we couldn't use the stove. (Yes, the oven and microwave still worked but... well, it was a good excuse.) The curry was delicious but J had an upset stomach the following day. I was fine and ended up heating up some of the leftovers for my dinner last night. Obviously that was a step too far because I've been suffering all day. I've been hoping that the upset stomach is a sign of early labour but I think it's probably just the curry.

My list making is in overdrive. Today I've made the following lists:

  • Phone list for J to ring people after the birth
  • Email list for after the birth
  • List of things to do and meal ideas while Mom and Dad are here
  • List of things to do before Mom and Dad get here
  • Updated my hospital packing list

And then I made this list of my lists. It's a sickness.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Not much to report

My back is getting better but I'm still pretty useless when it comes to working on the flat. J has done a great job emptying boxes and taking things to the tip. It's all coming together now. We're planning for Mom and Dad's visit now and for the arrival of Cupcake. I think this weekend will be a busy one.

This week J is back at work. Brenda is coming down tomorrow to help out. I need to go to the hospital and have some blood tests in preparation for the birth next Tuesday so we'll do that tomorrow. I haven't driven since my back went out but Brenda can drive if necessary. I am feeling much better but am still quite limited on how far I can walk and what I can do. I can get out of bed and go to the loo on my own which has made a big difference to my outlook. It was quite depressing asking J to walk me to the loo every time I needed to go (probably pretty depressing for J too, especially the 3am visits).

The meds are making me a little groggy so I can only imagine how disconnected my entries must be at the moment. Hopefully all will be back to normal in a few weeks, at least as far as my backs. Then I can blame the insanity on sleep deprivation.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

We're here!

We've arrived in Blackheath and it's fantastic. We absolutely love the flat. You see a place a couple of times and you think it's going to work but you never know until you get there. Luckily, this place is just wonderful. I'm glad we did the whole house-in-the-burbs thing but we are definitely more flat-in-the city types and it's great to be back.

Blackheath Village is great too. Tobes and J have walked down to the heath almost every day to kick the ball around. On Sunday morning they headed out early and I had a leisurely morning then went to meet them for breakfast. They had met another Dad on the heath with twin three year old boys and become fast friends. The other guys just happened to be meeting up with their mum in the same cafe so we all had breakfast together. In almost three years living in Chislehurst we never met anyone so easily. We all had quite a bit in common and the boys had a great time together. It felt like a very good omen.

We've also bumped into Philippa and her parents at different times, which is really nice. I think when you start bumping into people you know a place really starts to feel like home.

So, it's been a fantastic start. The only problem is that my back has gone out again so I've become quite useless as far as unpacking and arranging things. The docs say I should be better by the end of the week and the drugs I've been given certainly take the edge off. Fingers crossed that I'm back on my feet again by the weekend.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Tomorrow is the big day

We move to Blackheath tomorrow. I can't believe it's finally happening. It's funny, and this is so typical of me, but I've thought so much about getting there that I haven't really thought about leaving here. I'm going to miss this little house. In many ways it's been our first real home. I must remember to take lots of photos today before everything is dismantled tomorrow.

I'm going to miss some things about Chislehurst too. The churchyard, the ease of living so close to the High Street... and that's about it. No, I'll miss all the old folks too. Chislehurst must be a haven for retired people because we have a huge elderly community and lots of assisted living and nursing homes. I do like the old people and will miss having some sweet elderly gentleman hold the door open for me at the newsagents or some little old lady pat my pregnant belly and tell me that without a doubt I'm having a girl. I went out this morning and had three different ladies stop me and ask about the pregnancy. The younger generations just don't have as much time or inclination for chatting with strangers and I'll definitely miss that.

So, tomorrow we go. I won't have internet access until Monday at the earliest and that's if we can get organised enough to get everything set up. But I know that the library in Blackheath has internet access so I can always update there if anything exciting happens.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

It's all happening here

We move in three days. I've been on the phone all day today making last minute arrangements and tomorrow I'll run around southeast London like a chicken with its head cut off sorting out the council tax, parking permits, etc, etc. Normally, these are things that could wait but with the baby coming I know I have to do them either now or next year and next year is just too far away.

So the house is coming apart at the seams. I'm trying to catch up on the laundry and eat everything in the fridge and freezer. We've cleared out the loft and the garden shed and now there are odd things sitting around like a ladder in our bedroom, painting accesories in the sitting room and a big box of stuff for the charity shop under the dining table. Just trying to keep everything organised but I know it's going to be chaos. I keep having little freak outs and crying jags which doesn't help. My hormones must be at fever pitch because I feel slightly insane all the time. Must be a joy for J to be around.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Long night

Last night didn't get much easier. J was home just after 9.00 and he helped out in the night but we're both ill too so it was hard work. Tobes was up and down all night coughing. Basically, every 3-4 hours he would wake up which is when the effects of his medicine would wear off. Then we'd dose him up again, refill the vaporiser and try to get us all back to sleep. We survived though.

This morning was even quite nice. J stayed home later because he'd been away so he and Tobes had breakfast together and I got to sleep a bit more. We all left the house at the same time because I had a doctor's appointment which was nice. Usually J is off to work at the crack of dawn so it was a treat to see him this morning. He'll have to work late tonight but he's taken the day off tomorrow and we're going to prepare for the move.

It's such an exciting time. I can barely take it all in. We've talked about living in Blackheath for well over a year AND we're going to have a new baby too. Two dreams coming true at once. It's amazing.

I feel a bit easier about coping with two children. I went onto mumsnet last night and asked how other moms coped and the consensus seems to be to lower your standards and just muddle through. I can do that! Most of the mums said to not have the same expectations regarding a clean house and to bend the rules on things like how much TV you allow your oldest child to watch. They also recommended planning ahead such as packing the diaper bag the night before and keeping a change of clothes for both children in the car at all times. Another good tip was to get the baby to fall in with the older child's routine rather than the other way around. The older child could resent changes to his or her routine but the baby won't know any differently. All very sage advice.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Too late for just one?

I have a virus. J has a virus. Toby has a virus. I'm assuming we all have the same virus but it's affecting us in different ways. I have a sore throat, earache and fever. J has a very sore throat and Toby has unbelievable snot production, a constant cough and extreme naughtiness. I don't know why it is but when Tobes is ill he pulls out all the stops when it comes to bad behaviour. Are all children like this?

I had to give him a time-out while Brenda was here because he refused to get ready for school. Not just obstinance but throwing things at me and being really awful. Then tonight he was having some milk before bed and he picked up his cup and waved it through the air spraying milk droplets all over the living room. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt and explained that the cup was not a sippy cup and he had to be more careful. He then held the cup as if to pour it out on his table. I told him if he poured any milk on his table I would take the milk away and he would go straight to bed. He looked me straight in the eye and proceeded to pour milk on his table.

As if that wasn't enough, before I could jump up and get to the cup of milk he then took a big swig of it then opened his mouth and let the milk spill out over himself, the chair and the floor. I was so frustrated I thought I would throw him out the window. It wouldn't have done me much good though because when he's ill he has no fear of punishment either. The bad behaviour just continues until he finally falls asleep.

Tonight after cleaning him up, getting him into his PJs (which was another trial, let me tell you) and getting him into bed without even brushing his teeth (I was just too exhausted) I sat in the chair beside his bed as we do every night. As I sat there waiting for him to fall asleep I started thinking about what I would do as soon as he passed out. Downstairs was a pile of laundry and dirty dishes waiting for me but I would be able to do them in peace. I could make myself a cold drink and maybe drink it before all the ice melted, or maybe a cup of tea and drink it before it went cold. I could even watch something other than cartoons on TV.

Parallel to this line of thinking was a much more terrifying thought - what will I do when there's another child waiting for me? How will I cope when walking out of Toby's room doesn't mean a little peace it means dealing with the insistent needs of another baby? I was seriously close to tears just thinking about it. It's not as if J has the kind of job where he's home by a certain time every night. Hell, he's not even home every night. He spent the last three days in Zurich. But I can't complain about J's work. It's what makes our lives possible. It's why I can stay home with Tobes, why we can buy a place in Blackheath, why we can spend an exhorbitant amount of money going to Starbucks. J's job pays for our life. I'm going to have to find a way to cope. How on earth am I going to do that?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

We've exchanged!!

It's an absolute miracle. We exchanged contracts on the house today which means there's no turning back now. The moving date is 14 October. That gives us about two weeks to get settled before Cupcake arrives but right now I'm just glad we're going to get there at all. Sooooo glad that the negotiations are over and we can start working on actually moving.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

The Move... or not

Oh my sweet Jesus. What a nightmare. Yesterday J spent over two hours on the phone dealing with estate agents and solicitors. We still haven't exchanged contracts so we obviously didn't move yesterday and it doesn't look like we're going to be able to move next Friday either. Poor J. I thought he was going to cry at one point. It's all so frustrating.

It's now come down to this - our sellers have had their baby but there were some complications and the baby is rather ill. The house that they've had built won't be ready until 14 October but they were going to stay with family until that date. Now, with the baby being in hospital they'd like to change the moving date to the 14th. OK, we cam obviously sympathise with their situation. Fine with us. Fine with our buyer. NOT so fine with our buyer's buyer. They said no way. So now we're stuck.

J was freaking out. It's rare that he gets really rattled but he definitely was yesterday afternoon. We talked on the phone for a long time and his main concern was us and our new baby. He felt like we had to move ASAP or not at all so that we could concentrate on our family. I then drew him a picture of what it would be like if this all fell through - stuck in Chislehurst, a place we've grown to dislike; all of our friends moved away (George and Tim exchanged on their new place on Thursday); me driving Tobes back and forth to school in Blackheath three times a week because he's just settled and there's no way we could make him change schools again; me losing my mind with a new baby and no friends or even worse, getting postnatal depression (always a fear).

Personally, I would rather just push through and get moved. Even if it means doing it a week before the baby is born. We even talked about scheduling the move while I'm still in hospital with the baby, just to get it done. Life will be much nicer and easier once we're in Blackheath.

By the end of our talk we realised that it's truly out of our hands now. It's between our seller and our buyer's buyer. They have to thrash out the dates and there's nothing we can do to facilitate that. The really irritating thing is that the buyer's buyer would be the least affected by the moving date. They're buying the flat as an investment, they're not even going to live in it. All the rest of us are purchasing homes and two of us are dealing with babies and children too. It's just unbelievable how awkward some people can be.

So, J and I have backed out of the process and have decided to let the others duke it out. Hopefully it'll all still happen but there is a chance that we might be here for quite a few months longer. Hopefully we'll know in a few days.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Still trying

Still haven't been able to speak to Mom and Dad but I spoke to Uncle Wayne again yesterday and he said that Grandma fell on Tuesday and broke her arm! I don't know all the details yet but Grandma has been in a bad way for a while. She's suffering from dementia and gets confused easily. Mom has had to find a nursing home that can take Grandma temporarily because her nursing home in Silsbee was damaged in the hurricane and won't reopen for at least a month.

I bet Mom is going nuts right now. Dad has been home for a few days but Mom and Grandma are still and Uncle Wayne's. They only got electricity a couple of days ago but the electric is still out in Silsbee and they're not letting people go home yet. Nikki managed to speak to Mom on her mobile and Mom said she was going to try to sneak home by going late at night. I haven't heard if that worked or not. I know she's desperate to get home and start cleaning up the yard and getting things organised. Nikki said that they could buy a generator and a window air conditioning unit (the temp has gone right back up to 95 degrees) and FEMA would reimburse them. The problem is finding these things because everyone wants them. It must be such a nightmare.

I know the little things like not being able to wash clothes will be wearing Mom down. She's usually immaculate. She's the kind of person who would iron her underwear if she thought we wouldn't tease her about it. The thought of having just a couple of changes of clothes for over a week will be really hard for her. I hope she managed to get home where at least she can be in her own space and I know she'll feel better if she can get busy on the house. As far as Dad is concerned, I think he's been moving prisoners and sleeping at the house at night. I haven't heard anything about Jon, Angie and Dyllin though. I've tried to ring Dallas but Mark, the friend they're staying with, had a full voivemail inbox so I couldn't even leave a message.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Thank goodness

I've been trying to get through to Mom and Dad but all the phone lines seem to be down now. I got this email from Nikki though:

"The house is in much better shape than I thought it would be. Apparently, we don't have a back porch anymore, the aluminum roofing on that is gone. The roof to the shed is gone and Dad hadn't gone into the shed to check out the contents of it, but I imagine a lot of the keepsake stuff is trashed. Some shingles are gone, but the roof is still intact, no flooding happened, and no windows blew open. Thank god!! Oh and some trees fell down. Sadly, the big oak tree in the back next to the shed, with all the flower beds around it, is down and uprooted. And one of the pine trees is down."

So the house is fine and intact. Sounds like a lot of clearing and repairs to do but nothing vital has been lost. Thank goodness.

Taken from the Sacramento Bee

As Rita lumbered toward the Gulf Coast last week, much of the worry focused on how the massive storm might impact Houston and Galveston. But it was smaller towns to the east, such as Silsbee and Beaumont in Texas and Lake Charles, La., that ended up reeling as the hurricane swept through as a Category 3 early Saturday.

Silsbee, a lumber and oil town of about 7,300, sits in the midst of a wooded area of east Texas known as the Big Thicket. On Saturday morning, the giant pine forest at one end of town lay savaged, scores of trees snapped in two by Rita's powerful winds.

Fallen trees and power lines littered most every street in town. Most homes had sustained damage, from shredded siding to shattered windows. The storm - still blowing with tropical force Saturday - left Silsbee without water, power and phones.

"It is devastated," Silsbee Fire Capt. Robin Jones said Saturday, as he and colleagues watched helplessly while a home just three blocks from the fire station burned to the ground.
"We've got a gas main in the back of the house that has ignited and multiple gas lines around here that have broken, and we have no water," Jones said.

Firefighters could do little but watch and warn onlookers to back away as ammunition, likely kept for hunting, exploded inside the home, along with a carbon dioxide cannister.

On the town's main drag, the Texas State Bank had its front window sheered away, exposing the office within. The steeple of the First Baptist Church sat cock-eyed. At Brooksh Brothers Market, a grocery store built of sturdy brick, the entire roof had blown off in large metal sections and one huge section of wall had collapsed.

Despite the wreckage, no injuries or deaths were reported as of Saturday.

F.A. "Buddy" Guidry, 72, a self-described Cajun who lived in Sacramento until 1960 and came to Silsbee in 1978, was wandering around his used car showroom Saturday morning.

It was soaked. The windows had blown out on two sides, and the mini-blinds hung like twisted decorations.

"I can make you two a good deal today," he boomed at a pair of visitors. "We've had a few hurricanes here before, but they haven't been this bad."

Still, Guidry and his wife had refused to evacuate when most others left town to join the massive coastal exodus.

"What, and miss all this fun?" Guidry ask. "The truth is, we didn't evacuate because my wife didn't want to sit in the traffic."

Spoke to Mom and Dad

Mom said that even where they are in Lufkin they didn't have water or electricity on Saturday but finally got water on Sunday. Aunt Carolyn has a two burner butane hot plate so they've been cooking on that. After hearing that Mom had taken a shower but couldn't use her hairdryer OR her curling iron because there's no electricity (oh, the injustice of life) and about how bad the house is going to smell because all of the meat in the freezer is going to spoil (if there's a house left), I talked to Dad. They had tried to go home but had been stopped. The authorities aren't letting people back into the areas most affected yet.

Luckily Dad is part of 'the authorities' and he was going to use his badge to get home and see what was left of the house. I think the not knowing is the worst part. There's also a big problem because two of the prisons in Beaumont were destroyed and they've got to move the prisoners into a more permanent situation. At the moment they're extremely overcrowded into one prison that was already full. Soounds like a very bad situation. So, Dad headed back yesterday afternoon to check on the house and help sort out the prisons.

It's hard to get a good picture of it all. Mom is all doom and gloom and Dad is just waiting to see for himself. Hopefully I'll be able to speak to them again this afternoon and find out what's happened.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

From what I'm hearing it sounds like Rita has just hit land. I'm very tempted to call Dad, I bet he's up even though it's 4am in Texas, but I don't want to wake up the whole house. The hurricane has been downgraded and the winds have reduced but it's still a big one. It looks like Mom and Dad's house is right in the path too.

I spoke to Mom yesterday and she said they didn't have flood insurance on the house, which worries me. I asked if she had put everything up high, off the ground and she said no. She hadn't thought about it. Her biggest fear is the roof coming off the house and everything being destroyed. Dad thinks their roof will be fine but they'll lose some shingles. I hope he's right.

They live in the middle of four acres and they have a lot of crawfish in the yard which makes me think that the area could easily flood. If crawfish are happy there must be a lot of water in the soil.

When I talked to Mom she was more concerned at that moment about getting the cat litter sorted out and they were going to pick up my cousin Tessha and her kids. I could tell by the grave tone of Dad's voice that he was worried but enjoying all the excitement. I think Dad would love to be a storm chaser. I remember as kids sitting out on the back porch with Dad, all of us wrapped in quilts watching storms build and even driving around in the car and watching tornadoes (from a distance, of course). I can just see Dad now in his police-issue yellow rain slicker, standing outside watching the storm while languidly smoking a cigarette. I'm sure that's where my love of extreme weather comes from.

Jon, Dyllin and Jon's fiance Angie are all up in Dallas so I know they're safe too. Angie is from Lake Charles, Louisiana and her hometown is taking a beating too. I guess it'll all be over in a few days and then we'll know what the real damage is.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Rita update

I managed to speak to Dad yesterday. I got him on his cell as he was part of the mass exodus out of Houston. Dad works in the state prison system and he had been evacuating prisoners for two days, hadn't slept since Tuesday. Mom and Dad live in a little town called Silsbee just north of Beaumont. The drive from Beaumont to Silsbee usually takes about thirty minutes. Yesterday it took four hours.

Mom and Grandma were already headed up to Uncle Wayne's place and Dad was going home to get some sleep and was then going to drive up there too. Dad sounded tired and I know it'll be a long weekend for them. Grandma went into a nursing home recently suffering from dementia and one of her latest delusions is that Dad is trying to kill her. I think it's going to be a very tense weekend at Uncle Wayne's.

Mom had packed photographs and keepsakes in the car, just in case. The latest news is that the hurricane is going to hit hardest at Port Arthur which is about forty miles from Silsbee. Doesn't sound good.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Hurricane Rita

I never see the news. Our TV seems to constantly be on CBeebies or Boomerang so if you'd like the latest on Ms Hoolie and PC Plum's budding romance or the details of the latest Duck Dodgers episode, I'm your woman. Outside of that and life in our little bubble I don't know much. So it was a surprise this morning when J asked with some concern if I had spoken to Mom and Dad this week. I had no idea that a hurricane was coming their way.

After a bit of research and a look at Nikki's blog I've learned that Mom and Dad are evacuating this morning and moving North to my Aunt & Uncle's place. Jon and Dyllin are going up to Dallas to stay with friends. It all sounds very scary. I'm going to call Mom and Dad this morning (their time obviously) and just check in. According to weather.com this is a Category 5 hurricane which means it's a big one.

Monday, September 19, 2005




The Prince of Room Service



Toby's face seems to say 'Are you sure you want to see this?!'



The pool was a little chilly.

Moving stuff - blah, blah, blah

Well, still haven't exchanged contracts but they think today may be The Day. I've heard that before so I'm not getting my hopes up. It does look like the moving date will be put off at least a week. Not great, but not the end of the world either. I'll just be glad to get there. At the moment it feels as if we're living between Chislehurst and Blackheath. Our house is here but Toby's school and most of our weekends are spent there.

We've started preparing for the move which makes it feel more real. Like it's really going to happen. This weekend we cleared out the bookshelves, toys and CDs and took a bunch of boxes to the charity shop. We've still got the attic, cupboard under the stairs and the garden shed to do as well as things like throwing out old toiletries and cleaning out Toby's arts & crafts cupboard. Anyone need a double-bed frame? Two wardrobes? What about a lawnmower? We've got a lot of stuff we need to get rid of before the move.y

Friday, September 16, 2005

Holy moly, I'm tired

J is in Cambridge at the moment. He went up yesterday with work and Tobes and I were going to join him and exploit his expense account but things seemed to be conspiring against us. First the car broke down, then I remembered that I have to be back in time for my maternity portrait on Saturday morning (so no long weekend) and I forgot that Tobes has school until 5.00 which would mean a fairly late drive up. So Tobes and I stayed home.

That was fine except that I really hate it when J's away when I'm pregnant. I just feel so vulnerable and, though I know the chance is very slim, I always worry about going into labour and J not being here. I would hate for him to miss it but even more than that I would be terrified to go through it alone. So I laid in bed and watched Britney & Kevin Chaotic, a show about Marc Quinn's sculpure in Trafalgar Square, Newlyweds and some other entertaining crap on VH1. Finally turned the light off around 1am then Tobes woke up at 4am with a nightmare.

Tobes said he dreamt that J was crying really loudly on the stairs because he was going to miss Toby so much. Talk about being freaked out. I live in constant fear that something is going to happen to Tobes or J if they're out of my sight for a second. I hadn't spoken to J since about 8.00pm and I knew he was going out to dinner so I immediately felt sick and thought the worst. Tobes was quite upset so we called J and woke him up just after 4.00 so that Tobes could talk to him. All was fine, thank goodness.

I couldn't get Toby back to sleep until 5.30 and then he was awake for the day by 7.30. It's been a long, cranky day for both of us and I foresee a very early night. I've got my maternity portrait in the morning and I don't want to look exhausted. I think I'm definitely going to do a Demi and go nude for at least a few of the pics so I need to get up early enough for a thorough body scrub and moisturise. I've never seen myself naked in a photograph before. It's going to be very strange. Surprisingly, I don't feel the least bit concerned about being nude in front of the photographer. He did our family portrait about 18 months ago and he's a professional. I'm sure he's seen it all before.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Mostly good news

Saw the consultant today about Toby's heart and it was good news for the most part. T0by does have what they call an ASD - atrial septial defect - but they think that it will probably close on it's own in time. We've been told to carry on as usual, no special care or treatment, and the doctor will look at it again in two years.

The slight concern is that Toby's condition isn't the usual single hole, he has lots of very small holes. The doctor described it like a pepper shaker. Luckily, there isn't a great deal of blood flowing between the chambers. It's when one chamber is overworked by the overflow that damage is done to the heart. If it doesn't resolve itself in a couple of years it means that Tobes would need to have a slightly more complicated procedure than the one used for a single hole. The doctor did say that more than likely it'll sort itself out and we shouldn't worry about the possibility of surgery. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

So, all in all, not bad news. Even if the condition was never detected, and apparently that is often the case, it wouldn't cause any damage until Tobes was middle-aged so leaving it for a couple of years won't hurt him. Now, we just need to do our best to carry on as usual.

Monday, September 12, 2005

The Hythe Imperial



A couple of pics from the hotel. This is the exterior and the Windsor Room where we sat and had tea yesterday. You can see what I mean when I describe it as very Agatha Christie.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Lovely weekend

Just got back from the coast and had a wonderful time. We're already talking about when we can go back. The hotel was great. It was opened in 1880 and is like something right out of Agatha Christie. I kept waiting for Poirot to walk into the restaurant twiddling his mustache. It was very child-friendly too and Tobes is wiped out from the weekend.

We went swimming, Tobes and J played some mini-golf, Tobes and I walked around the garden and orchard, and we all went down to the beach. J and I were also scrubbed and rubbed and I was also covered in mud, wrapped in cellophane and then covered in a blanket that looked like aluminum foil while having my head covered in oil and then massaged. It was heaven though I did for one second wonder what I would do if the fire alarm went off. I was naked, covered in various ungents and wrapped up like the Thanksgiving turkey.

At the beginning of my treatment I did my best to maintain some sense of modesty by keeping the towel over me but soon realised that trying to get me to maneuver around on one of those treatment tables is like trying to get a walrus to turn over on a 2X4. Modesty soon flew out the window. By the end of it the gal was washing the mud off my back in the shower for me. I have no shame.

We finished the weekend with a full afternoon tea in the sitting room at the hotel. It was gorgeous - tea, tiny sandwiches, scones with jam and clotted cream and four different kinds of cake. So we're back home now, all tired but happy and much less stressed than we were on Saturday morning. Pics to follow soon.

Friday, September 09, 2005

A day on the Heath







This is an afternoon we spent on the heath in Blackheath trying to fly Toby's shark kite. Toby took the photos of me and J and the one of the church. I wouldn't be too impressed by the photo of the church, he was trying to take a picture of the ice cream van in front of it.

Time for some pics




Toby's first day at school in Blackheath with his Spiderman backpack from Papa and Nana.

Toby's heart

I got all of our private insurance paperwork completed and signed (including paying the fourteen pound fee for our GP's signature), got approval from the insurance company and went to see the GP in order to get a private referral so that we could finally see the cardiologist as soon as possible rather than wait until the end of November.

I had an appointment with a doctor I hadn't seen before. This is the way it works at our surgery. You see whoever is available and there is so much turnover and/or locums working there that you may never see the same doctor twice. If you have a certain GP that you like to see, as I do with pregnancy stuff, then you have to be prepared to wait weeks for an appointment. I didn't want to wait weeks so I took the first person available.

The new doctor is either new to the profession or new to NHS work because he took his time, didn't look totally exhausted, listened to and answered my questions, expressed real interest in Toby's case and didn't seem the least bit jaded. Amazing. He was also obviously a miracle worker because with one phone call he got us an appointment for TUESDAY... ON NHS!! So we won't have to pay the deductible on the private policy and Tobes gets to see the top cardiologist. I am astonished. God bless Dr Kalil.

Time to get away

The house stuff has calmed down. Our buyers have decided to proceed with the sale of their flat and sort out the freehold afterwards. It's a private sale and they know their buyers well so it should all work out. Not my problem, so I don't really care unless it affects our part of the chain but it looks like that's not going to happen after all. Thank goodness.

But, after all of J's trips, the stress of the buying and selling property, potty training, Tobes starting a new school, my back problems, etc, etc, etc, ad nauseam, we've decided that we need to get away. We're off to the seaside this weekend. Nothing as busy as Brighton though. We're going to stay in a spa hotel in Hythe and just relax. I've got a prenatal body treatment booked and J has a full body massage. We're going to have a picnic in the grounds, do some swimming, eat a ton of room service and just have some good family time. I can't wait.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Are my brains coming out of my ears yet?

Very tough day. After having a great day at school yesterday Tobes had a difficult one today. When I went to pick him up he was in the garden at recess. His teacher, Ms Suki, said that he had weed himself earlier and was quite upset but had been fine once he calmed down. Just as I was going to go downstairs to the garden I heard the unmistakable sound of my child crying his heart out.

Tobes had fallen on the playground and when the teacher picked him up he had an accident all over himself and the teacher's skirt. He was embarrassed and he was calling my name. The poor little thing was absolutely distraught. I calmed him down and comforted him and we went off to get cleaned up. As we were changing his clothes he told me, in between hiccups of tears, that he was so sad and that he had been calling for me. I swear I almost burst into tears myself.

Once we were in the car with the Gruffalo song playing he was fine, just wrung out from the day.

When we got home I had a message from our estate agent. We were supposed to exchange contracts last week but there's been a delay on the part of our buyers. They've been trying to purchase the freehold of their flat for their own sale and it's all being held up. The delay will be at least a week but probably more like two! I can't bloody believe it. After all the fuss they made about us changing the moving date and now they're delaying it all even further. The agent even asked if we wanted to put the house back on the market!! I think my head is going to explode.

There's normally three weeks in between exchange and the moving date. I have to speak to the solicitor tomorrow to see if that can be condensed down into one week if necessary. That is, if they get their freehold sorted out in time. I think our sellers will be fine with a delay. When we visited the flat she was saying that their house wasn't going to be ready until mid-October so they were going to have to stay with family or in a serviced flat for a couple of weeks if we closed at the end of this month. Her due date is approaching fast so they might be very happy to stay put for a bit longer.

Of course, my due date is approaching fairly swiftly too and if things are delayed by a couple of weeks we would be about two weeks away from the birth when we moved in. We'd have to cut back on our decorating plans and just make do for longer. Not the end of the world but, frankly, a real pain in the ass.

I think it's a very good thing that I picked up that message after the agent's office had already closed. I would've been down there in a heartbeat and I'm sure I would've embarrassed myself but I could just blame it on the hormones. Do you think a jury would convict me? Hopefully a good night's sleep will make things clearer and calmer in the morning.

First day of school

Tobes started his new school yesterday and he did really well. We drove into Blackheath and I sat in a coffee shop and read my book, which was really nice, just in case they needed me to go back if Tobes got upset. Ha ha ha. He was fine and didn't want to leave at the end of the day.

He's been dry for about three days now but still no poos in the potty or toilet. I'm going to back off about this for a week or so and then we can discuss it again. He has so much going on in his little life. I don't want to add unecessary pressure. He usually poops before we've changed his nighttime nappy so it's not a problem yet.

One thing that did happen yesterday is that I broke one of my parenting rules and let Toby wee outside. Actually in the car park. It's not unusual to see parents allowing their children to wee against a curb or in the gutter here, both boys and girls. I once saw a lady on a busy shopping street hold her daughter's legs apart over a grate so that she could wee into it. Not really something I feel totally comfortable with but now that I have a potty-training child of my own I do have greater sympathy.

So yesterday we were in the car, pulling out of the carpark for the twenty minute drive home when Toby announced with some urgency that he needed to wee. I could've tried to run into one of the restaurants but that would've taken time and I wasn't sure that Tobes would make it. The carpark was a tiny one, tucked down an alley in Blackheath and no one was around so... there were a few more dead ants in that carpark when we left than when we arrived.

Not the first time I've broken one of my rules and probably not the last. In fact, when I think about it my whole approach to parenting seems to be breaking rules that I've set for myself.

For example:

The baby will have nothing but breast milk for the first four months. At least. - Tobes had his first taste of formula when he was less than 48 hours old and one of the nurses at the hospital recommended a 'supplementary' bottle. I jumped on that bottle like a duck on a junebug. Breastfeeding was totally out the window within three weeks.

The baby will sleep in a crib in our room for the first six months and then in a room of his own. - Tobes slept exclusively in our bed for almost two years and still ends up in bed with us by the early hours most mornings.

The baby will eat nothing but homemade organic purees. - I think I made three purees for Tobes and he hated all of them. His diet consisted of jars almost from the beginning but, in my defense, most of them were organic.

The baby will not have sugar until he is at least a year old. - We shared an ice lolly when Tobes was about six months old and there's been no looking back.

Oh well, as long as Tobes is fairly clean, well-fed, well-rested and most of all, well-loved I guess all the rest is just the details.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Correction

Just saw that the US government has decided to accept food and supplies offered by Europe and the shipments are going out now. I wonder why they waited so long.

Katrina

I've been avoiding this topic because it's just so distressing and confusing. We keep getting terrible images of it all. Last night we saw a BBC reporter in a boat going into one of the neighborhoods still under water. He found a family of five children including a tiny baby trapped in a house with their dead mother lying on the bed in the back bedroom. Those poor children looked like zombies. They must've been starving and in a complete state of shock. And that's just one story. There must be hundreds like them still out there.

One of the things that I do want to say is that I've read more than once in the US press criticisms about the lack of help from other countries. As of this writing, all of the aid offered by the UK and a number of European countries, including France, has been turned away by the US government. I don't know if it's from shame or a misplaced sense of pride that they've refused the help. It just doesn't make sense.

The one thing the US government has accepted are the European gas reserves. I find that infuriating. Surely saving lives should be more important than controlling gas prices. I know that Americans need gas but surely we could get through this by conserving what we already have. We should be willingly making changes to free up gas for the rescue crews, not running out in a panic and fillling up every container we own with gas for our own use. The focus right now (and days ago) should be on rescuing, feeding, clothing, and providing medical care where needed for the survivors.

And just to put things in perspective as far as gas prices are concerned, since releasing the reserves here the prices have gone up in Europe too. They're around a pound a litre at many places now. Keep in mind that there are about four litres to an American gallon so that means about four pounds a gallon - $8 a gallon. The cheapest I've seen gas in England is around $5 a gallon but the big difference is that the majority of people don't drive cars with big engines, trucks or SUVs. There's a need to conserve gas and a real concern for the environment.

I really hope that we learn something from this experience. I hope we learn to take care of each other better regardless of race or social level, to make responsible choices regarding the vehicles we drive and that we definitely take a good hard look at our President. I'm not even going to begin my tirade on George Bush. If I start I might not be able to stop.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Very Good Day

J came back from New York today and met me and Toby in Blackheath. We all had lunch with Philippa and then visited the flat to do some measurements. It was good to see the flat again. There were parts that were smaller than J and I had remembered but our room was bigger. We're going to need to buy a few blinds since ours don't fit but I think that it'll all work out fine. The only rooms we're hoping to paint right now are Toby's room and the living room. The others can wait.

Afterwards we visited Toby's school. He was having such a good time that the teacher suggested J and I go get a coffee and come back in an hour. Tobes was more than happy with that plan. We've been a bit housebound lately so he was starving for some playtime with other children. While we were gone Tobes used the loo (yay!) and had a snack with the other kids. He did so well! When we went to pick him up he didn't want to leave.

It's such a huge relief to know that he'll be happy at the school. It definitely makes up for the cost, which was something we hadn't planned on. Preschool here is basically free from three years old except for certain 'private' schools. Unfortunately, all of the free schools were full or horrible so we're going to have to budget for this one but it looks like it'll work out well.

We also spoke to the estate agents and solicitors today. The solicitor is virtually useless so everyone is chasing her to get things done. It looks like we'll now exchange on Monday which will be great. I think everyone in the chain will give a huge sigh of relief when that happens.

So all good. J's back, the flat is great and Toby loves his school. Now we just have to move.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

My Mom

I spoke to my sister today and we were giggling about Mom. I dread the day that Toby and Cupcake do the same thing but I guess it's an inevitable part of parenthood. I just hope I give them something good to giggle about.

Today it was Mom's particular cleaning mania. When there's any kind of emotional upheaval Mom takes it out on the house. If she's feeling a bit stressed at work she comes home and mows... all four acres. She also deals with stress by cleaning her car inside and out... every single weekend. At the moment I'm pregnant after two miscarriages and hoping everything is fine this time, my sister is moving to San Diego for at least three years, my brother is planning his wedding, my grandmother has finally had to go into a nursing home due to her dementia, Mom was fired from her job and Dad is having problems with his boss at work. So Mom takes it out on her closets.

Not just clearing them out but... wait for it... painting the inside of them. Mom and Dad have lived in this house for over ten years and in that time my brother, his little boy, my sister and my grandma have all spent time living there too. And they've all left stuff behind. I even have boxes of stuff at Mom and Dad's. You can imagine the task of empying each closet (six by my count, including a big walk-in one in their bedroom), painting it and then putting everything back. I would have to be held at gunpoint to do such a thing.

And here's the kicker, this is the thing that made me and Nikki giggle - Mom has painted the inside of all of her closets light blue so that they feel restful when you have to get something out of them. I blame HGTV. I bet that all across America women are proud of their restful closets after seeing some program on HGTV. Mom and Grandma are addicted to the channel but Mom's little mania definitely precedes satellite TV.

I remember one time in particular many years ago. Nikki didn't even remember it so she must've been quite young. It was in our house in Mesquite. In that house we had a linen cupboard at the end of the hallway and underneath it was a built-in laundry hamper. It was the kind of thing with a little hatch on hinges to drop the dirty clothes in and two cupboard doors underneath to get them out. Well, if you sat in one particular spot in our living room and, at that very same moment, someone was getting laundry out of the hamper you would be able to see the back wall inside the hamper. It was a laundry hamper so there wasn't much to see, just a white wall that had been scratched up a bit over the years.

Well, during some emotional time of which I can't remember the details Mom got it into her head that the chance of someone seeing into the hamper was a problem, so I came home one day to find Mom wallpapering the INSIDE of the laundry hamper. Just in case the planets were so aligned that someone (read this as 'company') would see inside it and be appalled.

It was around the same time that Mom became disgusted with her shower. Mom and Dad's bathroom had a shower stall with a white basin and no matter what Mom tried she couldn't get the basin as white and pristine as she thought necessary. Now, this wasn't for the sake of 'company' because no one used that bathroom except family and mostly just Mom and Dad. Mom decided to paint the basin. That doesn't sound so strange but she didn't do her homework and just used some paint we already had in the house. Who was the mug who took the first shower and discovered that Mom had used water soluble paint? Me. That's probably why I remember it so well.

Ah, mothers. And now I'm one of them.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Found heaven

OK, I know I'm very late to this but I've just discovered the ability to download music from the web. So cool! I've been reliving some past fun today and bought AC/DC's Shook Me All Night Long (Kellie, Wendy and I danced our butts off to this many, many nights), Rick James' Superfreak (actually had this dedicated to me at a club once), and Wild Cherry's Play That Funky Music (so many fun memories). Toby actually blushed and hid behind a dining chair. I guess seeing his seven months pregnant Mom dance around to Superfreak was just too much for the boy.

Oh, and just to keep things current I also downloaded James Blunt's You're Beautiful. Lovely song.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Potty training continues

I think I've gotten through the pain barrier now. We've had multiple accidents. I've cleaned up puddles of wee, scrubbed poo out of my beloved living room rug and had a public pooing incident. I know there are worse things that could happen (really dreading the first accident in the car seat) but I feel like I've broken through now and it'll all be OK.

Tobes is doing very well and I know he's trying hard. Still no poo in the toilet and the lolly remains in its wrapper but he did get the Chocolate Maker yesterday and he and J made chocolates this morning. There was an incident in the toy store that has really stuck with me. I saw a little boy with his father. The boy looked younger than Tobes, maybe two and a half or even younger. Well, the little boy had an accident and it was a big one. His jeans were soaked and his shoes were squelching. How did his father react? He started shouting 'You little bugger! I asked you two seconds ago if you needed to wee and you said no!!' He then proceeded to drag the crying boy to the toilets.

Now, I'm certainly no expert but I would guess that if, while standing in the middle of a toy store, you ask a small child if they would like to leave to go to the bathroom then that child is going to say 'No, I don't need to go'. Even if he or she is absolutely bursting for a wee. Seems like common sense. Then if the child has an accident it's not really the child's fault and shouting and calling them names isn't really going to help matters.

I was struck by the contrast in our situations. Here we were buying Tobes a somewhat extravagant toy for staying dry almost all day for one day while the other little boy, who definitely looked younger than Toby, was getting reprimanded quite fiercely for having an accident. Not sure which parenting technique will get the required results but I do know which child I would prefer to be.

OK, going to go eat some Chocolate Factory chocolates now. I think we're all going to benefit from that particular toy.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Flats, potties, tears and a man with a death wish

Things are moving right along with the move and we should exchange contracts next week. We've had the results of the survey and all of the environmental searches. Very pleased to learn that the house is not built on toxic waste. I'm sure that tidbit of info was worth the hundred or so pounds it cost.

Tobes and I are going to Blackheath on Thursday to visit the flat and do some measurements. We're also hopefully meeting Philippa for lunch and then visiting Toby's school. I was hoping to get a list of parents' details from Toby's school and arrange a few playdates before he starts there but there are very strict rules here on giving out 'personal' information. In England, a phone number is considered personal. In the States we have the Freedom of Information Act while in Britain we have the Data Protection Act. They seem to basically be the exact opposite of each other. Can be very annoying sometimes but, if you have something to hide, it must be a great comfort.

So we're going to visit the school at snacktime so Tobes can meet his teacher and some of the other children. He's been a bit concerned about all the changes that are going on and I think this visit will help him get excited about the new school. They have a big Thomas the Tank Engine that the kids can play on and I know he's looking forward to that.

In preparation for school we've been working on the potty training. The general consensus is that it never works until the child WANTS to be potty trained. The trick is working out how to make that happen. I believe I've finally done that with Toby and it's so simple - outright bribery. If he does a wee in his potty he gets two Smarties (like M&Ms). He's yet to do a poo in the toilet but to encourage him I bought the biggest, most fantastic lollipop I could find and, when the magic day comes and he finally poos in the potty or toilet, he gets the lolly. No magic yet, but I'm optimistic.

The Big Prize if Tobes can stay dry for a whole day is the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Chocolate Maker that he's been lusting over for weeks. He's trying very hard, bless him, and had just one accident yesterday. I suspect the Chocolate Maker will be his this weekend.

And the tears in the title are all mine. The pregnancy hormones are really kicking my backside when it comes to crying. This morning it was Toby's baby book that had me sobbing. Yesterday it was an ad for the NSPCC. A few weeks ago the arrival of Cupcake's stroller had me in tears and don't even let me look at a pair of her tiny socks. Thankfully, they're usually tears of joy. We have so much to be happy about. Sometimes I can't quite believe how wonderful life has become. Oh christ, must change the subject. Tears on the keyboard are probably not a good thing.

And J is off to New York on Tuesday. Does the man have a death wish, leaving his heavily pregnant wife to jaunt around the world?! This time it's only a couple of nights so I think we'll survive. He should be back in time to visit the flat and Toby's school on Thursday. Not so bad. BUT he's also going to Zurich two days after we move into the flat. Even more heavily pregnant, in a new home with unpacked boxes everywhere. The man might not see his 37th birthday.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Unlucky for some

And I forgot to add that it was on this day thirteen, yes THIRTEEN, years ago that J and I had our wedding. How have we celebrated? J is spending the day on an airplane coming back from Australia and I'm looking forward to an early night.

Boys

Toby has spent the past half hour wearing Incredibles socks, a Pull-Up with Batman underpants over the top and a Spiderman T-shirt while pretending that my birthing ball is an Omnidroid and 'fighting' it. My part has been to keep rolling the ball back towards him while he hits and kicks it shouting 'HA! HO! YES! YA!'. He occasionally mixes it up a bit by raising the ball in the air over his head and throwing it back down again. Everytime I say 'OK, last time' Tobes comes back with 'But Mama, he not defeated yet' so the game has to continue until the birthing ball is defeated.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Well, J left for Australia and Tasmania yesterday. He's away with work for almost two weeks and I've been dreading this trip for ages. I've been sleeping so terribly and having awful nightmares. I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink while he was away but it seems the pregnancy makes staying awake impossible. It wasn't the best sleep of my life last night but it was fine.

Tobes and I are going to fill the next few days visiting friends and J's Mum is coming to stay with us. Then we're off to Cambridge for a few days and then J will be home. I hope the time flies.

I've lined up some 'busy work' to keep myself occupied. I'm going to address the birth announcements, finish some admin on the car, finally post Toby's birthday thank you cards, chase up all the house stuff, order the new stroller, find a new yoga class, etc, etc.

While Brenda is here I thought we'd go to Bluewater and Blackheath so I can show her the new flat. I'm looking forward to spending some time in Cambridge too. Tobes and I will definitely go to The Orchard for breakfast one day. It's one of my favourite places in the world. When I die I'd love to have my ashes scattered there. I'd like to take Toby out on a punt too, chauffered of course. I can just see me trying to punt and overbalancing my big belly. We'd all end up in the river. Cambridge is just so lovely. Can't wait to wander through those cobbled streets again.

So, the time should pass quickly. I miss J already though. He called from his layover in Bangkok and everything was fine. The BA flight had NO CATERING but they were warned about that before boarding and given some vouchers to stock up at the airport. They were also feeding everyone in Bangkok so it sounds like it wasn't too much of a hardship. J's flying business class so he has a bed and said he slept most of the way so he didn't miss the food.

Ho hum, off to find something to do on this quiet Sunday.

Friday, August 12, 2005

The irony of NHS

Just doing some quick research on the specialist that Tobes would be seeing if we keep his NHS appointment. His name is Dr Edward Baker and I've just learned that he's one of the world's leading paediatric cardiologists and specialises in congenital heart defects, which is what Toby seems to have. If Toby needed an operation to correct his heart it would be done in the world's first facility that uses MRI rather than just X-rays to lead a catheter into the heart to make the repair. This gives a clearer view of the heart and reduces the chance of mistakes being made. It also protects the child from the negative repercussions of multiple X-rays such as increased risk of developing cancer in later life.

I'll definitely have to weigh this information up with what private health can offer. I'd really like for Tobes to see the best doctor and if that means waiting we might just wait until November. The best doctors here are NHS and not all of them have private practice as well. When I had my breast lump removed a few years ago my consultant was Prof Calne, the first doctor in the world to perform a successful double organ transplant. If I had gone privately, I wouldn't have seen someone so senior.

So different from the US but then here in England medicine isn't controlled by money. Remove the almighty dollar and it's a very different ballgame.

Here's some more info on Dr Baker. This is from the press release about his appointment to Medical Director at Guy's and St Thomas's Hospitals. I really want this to be the guy that sees Tobes, one way or the other.

"Dr Baker has been an Honorary Consultant Paediatric Cardiologist at Guy’s and St Thomas’ and a Senior Lecturer in Paediatric Cardiology at Guy’s, King’s College and St Thomas’ Hospitals School of Medicine since April 1987.

He has undertaken a variety of medical management roles at Guy’s and St Thomas’ over the last ten years and currently chairs the Trust’s Clinical Governance Committee. He has also been an Honorary Consultant Paediatric Cardiologist at Brighton Health Care NHS Trust, Bromley Hospitals NHS Trust and Barts and The London NHS Trust.

Dr Baker has published over 100 research papers and reviews covering all areas of clinical paediatric cardiology although the main focus of his work has been on the imaging of congenital heart disease.

He is currently researching the development of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) of congenital heart disease – his main project is looking at the use of state-of-the-art magnetic imaging to guide interventional procedures.

Dr Baker was a member of the Department of Health’s national review of paediatric and congenital cardiac services from 2001 to 2002. He is a member of the British Cardiac Society, British Paediatric Cardiac Association, British Association of Medical Managers and the Association for European Paediatric Cardiology."

Hokey Cokey, more Yanks and Toby's heart

Tobes and I went to a dance and music class at the library this morning. They're running some free classes during the summer break and I know Toby has been getting bored with 'Not now, sweetheart. Mommy's tired.' It was a lot of fun. We started off with the Hello Song and went around the circle saying each of the children's names. The lady next to me said her children were Madison and Hudson, very unusual names in England.

Toby and Madison are the same age and were some of the oldest children in the class so they led everyone through most of the songs. Toby obviously sings a lot at preschool because he knew most of the songs and motions. I didn't know he knew the Hokey Cokey (what the Hokey Pokey is called here) but there he was shaking his leg like a pro.

Afterwards they got out some toys and the children had a play session. Madison's Mom leaned over and asked me when I was due. I'm so huge now that people seem to think my waters could break at any moment. The look on someone's face when I say 'early November' is always the same - shock, another quick glance at my bulging belly, then a polite smile. By September I'll be getting the 'how many are in there?!' looks too.

When Madison's Mom spoke to me I noticed a North American accent. Ah, that explains her children's names. Very American. Turns out she's from Kansas City, her husband is a minister setting up a church in London, they've been here for three years and live a few hundred yards down the road from us! We chatted until the class leaders turned the music off and Tobes and Madison were the only children left playing then we exchanged numbers and promised to get together soon.

So exciting meeting someone new! It takes a long time to make friends with English girls so it's a real pleasure to meet someone and exchange numbers within half an hour. Madison is really sweet and Hudson is just six months old so we can talk baby stuff. She does seem quite a bit younger than me but hopefully that won't matter. Good lord, it's so much like dating.

And speaking of dates, we finally got the appointment through for Toby's consultation with the extra-special heart specialist. Wait for it... it's 22 November. Beacuse it's not considered life threatening we're at the bottom of the waiting list for appointments. This is one of those times when National Health can be so frustrating. I understand that we're behind people on the list whose children might actually die from their heart conditions but it's still frustrating to wait for answers. Hopefully, we won't have to.

J gets private health through work so I've contacted them and they're checking to see if we can be seen privately. We'd most likely see the same specialist at the same hospital, just much earlier than November since the waiting lists are much shorter. We've never resorted to using the private policy before. The theory is that National Health only works if everyone uses it and I do support the NHS but there are times when an answer is needed sooner. This is one of those times.

I'm rationalising it this way - we're lucky enough for J to have the kind of job that provides private health (most don't) therefore if we use our policy someone less fortunate will be able to take our NHS appointment in November. I think I can live with that. In any case, I would never let my theorising or politics get in the way of what's best for Toby. Fingers crossed the private policy will cover the appointment. We should find out next week.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Pics from T's party

Many thanks to Andrew for the photos from Toby's birthday party. We never can seem to get it right. From his first birthday we have one picture of the cake and that's it. From his second we have a little bit of video but no photos. This year we managed a good bit of video but didn't take a single photograph. So, many thanks Andrew for capturing a few memories for us.

Toby and Mary Catherine eating the icing off the cake and having fun Posted by Picasa

Thing 2... and then some Posted by Picasa

Thing 1 Posted by Picasa

Our Cat in the Hat Posted by Picasa

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Toby's Progress

Toby is doing really well. He can write his name, say his ABCs (and even recognise a few of them), he can count to about 13 and count backwards from 5. His vocabulary is really coming along and he often surprises us with new phrases. I think he might have the speech impediment that runs in my family, but it's nothing that a little speech therapy won't correct.

He says things like 'That would be lovely' but it comes out 'Dat would be wovey', which is just adorable. We've noticed that he's experimenting with his past tense now which basically means that he adds -ed to the ends of verbs. He's come out with some crackers like 'We go-ded to the shops' and 'I eat-ed my dinner'.

He also comes out with phrases that leave J and I trying to guess from which one of us he's picked them up. For example, Tobes says 'you guys' and 'cool'. No problem guessing who says those things - that would be the American. Tobes also says 'fantastic' and, much to our delight, 'bugger'. I'm guessing they both come from the Englishman.

Tobes is at a really gorgeous stage now but a heartbreaking one at the same time. Every day I see more and more little boy and less of my little baby. He's getting taller and thinning out and his face is losing its babyishness (if that's a word). He's getting smarter too and, though it's much easier to reason with him, it's harder to fool him too. He wanted to play his music in the car recently but the thought of half an hour of The Gruffalo was more than I could stand so I said that the stereo wasn't working (shameful, I know). Toby said 'Just push that button and it'll come on'. I pretended to push the button then said again that it wasn't working. 'Dat's cause you didn't weawy push it.' Outsmarted by a three year old.

You know you're in Texas in August when...

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Oh yea, and air, pool, ocean and hot tub are all the same temp.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Time to detox

It's really unfortunate that I don't have Smell-a-vision because it would make my tale so much more powerful if you could smell the aromas drifting through my house right now. After the junkfood-fest that was Toby's birthday yesterday we had vomiting through the night and some rather shocking diarrhea this morning. All from Toby, unless J's been sneaking off to be sick somewhere. To be honest, J could've been doing poos behind the sofa and I wouldn't notice. Toby's own little odours have taken over the house.

Aside from the sickness, we had a great day yesterday. The weather wasn't perfect but it didn't rain and we managed to have most of the party in the garden. I think the kids had a good time and everyone gorged on sandwiches, crisps, Smarties, Iced Gems, cake, ice cream and jello with cream. It's no wonder Tobes was so sick last night. And let me share a really special detail with you - his vomit was pink. Not from blood or anything scary like that but I would guess the main contributor was the red icing he ate off of the birthday cake and the half ton of jello he consumed.

I hope none of the other children were ill last night. Poor Tobes was so tired. The last thing he wanted was to be put in a bath at 11.30 to wash vomit out of his hair. The guilt was overwhelming. I think next year I'll monitor his junkfood intake a little more closely. Poor little guy just can't take it.

He's fine this morning. He's trying to get me to go play Candyland now. He got some fantastic presents and has already made vegetable soup this morning with his pretend vegetables, had me read his Spiderman story that has his name in it and rode his scooter all over the living room.

So, off to play Candyland and work on the mountain of smelly laundry piled up in the kitchen. Oh, and must buy another waterproof sheet today. It seems that two is just not enough sometimes.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Our big boy



Tomorrow is Toby's 3rd birthday and we bought him a scooter for his present. He picked it out yesterday and here he is this morning setting off for breakfast with Daddy. He looks so big! After seeing Cupcake yesterday and then seeing Tobes on his scooter this morning I'm starting to wonder how life can move so quickly.

A boy's allowed to dream a little... Posted by Picasa