My Mom

I spoke to my sister today and we were giggling about Mom. I dread the day that Toby and Cupcake do the same thing but I guess it's an inevitable part of parenthood. I just hope I give them something good to giggle about.

Today it was Mom's particular cleaning mania. When there's any kind of emotional upheaval Mom takes it out on the house. If she's feeling a bit stressed at work she comes home and mows... all four acres. She also deals with stress by cleaning her car inside and out... every single weekend. At the moment I'm pregnant after two miscarriages and hoping everything is fine this time, my sister is moving to San Diego for at least three years, my brother is planning his wedding, my grandmother has finally had to go into a nursing home due to her dementia, Mom was fired from her job and Dad is having problems with his boss at work. So Mom takes it out on her closets.

Not just clearing them out but... wait for it... painting the inside of them. Mom and Dad have lived in this house for over ten years and in that time my brother, his little boy, my sister and my grandma have all spent time living there too. And they've all left stuff behind. I even have boxes of stuff at Mom and Dad's. You can imagine the task of empying each closet (six by my count, including a big walk-in one in their bedroom), painting it and then putting everything back. I would have to be held at gunpoint to do such a thing.

And here's the kicker, this is the thing that made me and Nikki giggle - Mom has painted the inside of all of her closets light blue so that they feel restful when you have to get something out of them. I blame HGTV. I bet that all across America women are proud of their restful closets after seeing some program on HGTV. Mom and Grandma are addicted to the channel but Mom's little mania definitely precedes satellite TV.

I remember one time in particular many years ago. Nikki didn't even remember it so she must've been quite young. It was in our house in Mesquite. In that house we had a linen cupboard at the end of the hallway and underneath it was a built-in laundry hamper. It was the kind of thing with a little hatch on hinges to drop the dirty clothes in and two cupboard doors underneath to get them out. Well, if you sat in one particular spot in our living room and, at that very same moment, someone was getting laundry out of the hamper you would be able to see the back wall inside the hamper. It was a laundry hamper so there wasn't much to see, just a white wall that had been scratched up a bit over the years.

Well, during some emotional time of which I can't remember the details Mom got it into her head that the chance of someone seeing into the hamper was a problem, so I came home one day to find Mom wallpapering the INSIDE of the laundry hamper. Just in case the planets were so aligned that someone (read this as 'company') would see inside it and be appalled.

It was around the same time that Mom became disgusted with her shower. Mom and Dad's bathroom had a shower stall with a white basin and no matter what Mom tried she couldn't get the basin as white and pristine as she thought necessary. Now, this wasn't for the sake of 'company' because no one used that bathroom except family and mostly just Mom and Dad. Mom decided to paint the basin. That doesn't sound so strange but she didn't do her homework and just used some paint we already had in the house. Who was the mug who took the first shower and discovered that Mom had used water soluble paint? Me. That's probably why I remember it so well.

Ah, mothers. And now I'm one of them.

Found heaven

OK, I know I'm very late to this but I've just discovered the ability to download music from the web. So cool! I've been reliving some past fun today and bought AC/DC's Shook Me All Night Long (Kellie, Wendy and I danced our butts off to this many, many nights), Rick James' Superfreak (actually had this dedicated to me at a club once), and Wild Cherry's Play That Funky Music (so many fun memories). Toby actually blushed and hid behind a dining chair. I guess seeing his seven months pregnant Mom dance around to Superfreak was just too much for the boy.

Oh, and just to keep things current I also downloaded James Blunt's You're Beautiful. Lovely song.

Potty training continues

I think I've gotten through the pain barrier now. We've had multiple accidents. I've cleaned up puddles of wee, scrubbed poo out of my beloved living room rug and had a public pooing incident. I know there are worse things that could happen (really dreading the first accident in the car seat) but I feel like I've broken through now and it'll all be OK.

Tobes is doing very well and I know he's trying hard. Still no poo in the toilet and the lolly remains in its wrapper but he did get the Chocolate Maker yesterday and he and J made chocolates this morning. There was an incident in the toy store that has really stuck with me. I saw a little boy with his father. The boy looked younger than Tobes, maybe two and a half or even younger. Well, the little boy had an accident and it was a big one. His jeans were soaked and his shoes were squelching. How did his father react? He started shouting 'You little bugger! I asked you two seconds ago if you needed to wee and you said no!!' He then proceeded to drag the crying boy to the toilets.

Now, I'm certainly no expert but I would guess that if, while standing in the middle of a toy store, you ask a small child if they would like to leave to go to the bathroom then that child is going to say 'No, I don't need to go'. Even if he or she is absolutely bursting for a wee. Seems like common sense. Then if the child has an accident it's not really the child's fault and shouting and calling them names isn't really going to help matters.

I was struck by the contrast in our situations. Here we were buying Tobes a somewhat extravagant toy for staying dry almost all day for one day while the other little boy, who definitely looked younger than Toby, was getting reprimanded quite fiercely for having an accident. Not sure which parenting technique will get the required results but I do know which child I would prefer to be.

OK, going to go eat some Chocolate Factory chocolates now. I think we're all going to benefit from that particular toy.

Flats, potties, tears and a man with a death wish

Things are moving right along with the move and we should exchange contracts next week. We've had the results of the survey and all of the environmental searches. Very pleased to learn that the house is not built on toxic waste. I'm sure that tidbit of info was worth the hundred or so pounds it cost.

Tobes and I are going to Blackheath on Thursday to visit the flat and do some measurements. We're also hopefully meeting Philippa for lunch and then visiting Toby's school. I was hoping to get a list of parents' details from Toby's school and arrange a few playdates before he starts there but there are very strict rules here on giving out 'personal' information. In England, a phone number is considered personal. In the States we have the Freedom of Information Act while in Britain we have the Data Protection Act. They seem to basically be the exact opposite of each other. Can be very annoying sometimes but, if you have something to hide, it must be a great comfort.

So we're going to visit the school at snacktime so Tobes can meet his teacher and some of the other children. He's been a bit concerned about all the changes that are going on and I think this visit will help him get excited about the new school. They have a big Thomas the Tank Engine that the kids can play on and I know he's looking forward to that.

In preparation for school we've been working on the potty training. The general consensus is that it never works until the child WANTS to be potty trained. The trick is working out how to make that happen. I believe I've finally done that with Toby and it's so simple - outright bribery. If he does a wee in his potty he gets two Smarties (like M&Ms). He's yet to do a poo in the toilet but to encourage him I bought the biggest, most fantastic lollipop I could find and, when the magic day comes and he finally poos in the potty or toilet, he gets the lolly. No magic yet, but I'm optimistic.

The Big Prize if Tobes can stay dry for a whole day is the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Chocolate Maker that he's been lusting over for weeks. He's trying very hard, bless him, and had just one accident yesterday. I suspect the Chocolate Maker will be his this weekend.

And the tears in the title are all mine. The pregnancy hormones are really kicking my backside when it comes to crying. This morning it was Toby's baby book that had me sobbing. Yesterday it was an ad for the NSPCC. A few weeks ago the arrival of Cupcake's stroller had me in tears and don't even let me look at a pair of her tiny socks. Thankfully, they're usually tears of joy. We have so much to be happy about. Sometimes I can't quite believe how wonderful life has become. Oh christ, must change the subject. Tears on the keyboard are probably not a good thing.

And J is off to New York on Tuesday. Does the man have a death wish, leaving his heavily pregnant wife to jaunt around the world?! This time it's only a couple of nights so I think we'll survive. He should be back in time to visit the flat and Toby's school on Thursday. Not so bad. BUT he's also going to Zurich two days after we move into the flat. Even more heavily pregnant, in a new home with unpacked boxes everywhere. The man might not see his 37th birthday.

Unlucky for some

And I forgot to add that it was on this day thirteen, yes THIRTEEN, years ago that J and I had our wedding. How have we celebrated? J is spending the day on an airplane coming back from Australia and I'm looking forward to an early night.

Boys

Toby has spent the past half hour wearing Incredibles socks, a Pull-Up with Batman underpants over the top and a Spiderman T-shirt while pretending that my birthing ball is an Omnidroid and 'fighting' it. My part has been to keep rolling the ball back towards him while he hits and kicks it shouting 'HA! HO! YES! YA!'. He occasionally mixes it up a bit by raising the ball in the air over his head and throwing it back down again. Everytime I say 'OK, last time' Tobes comes back with 'But Mama, he not defeated yet' so the game has to continue until the birthing ball is defeated.

Well, J left for Australia and Tasmania yesterday. He's away with work for almost two weeks and I've been dreading this trip for ages. I've been sleeping so terribly and having awful nightmares. I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink while he was away but it seems the pregnancy makes staying awake impossible. It wasn't the best sleep of my life last night but it was fine.

Tobes and I are going to fill the next few days visiting friends and J's Mum is coming to stay with us. Then we're off to Cambridge for a few days and then J will be home. I hope the time flies.

I've lined up some 'busy work' to keep myself occupied. I'm going to address the birth announcements, finish some admin on the car, finally post Toby's birthday thank you cards, chase up all the house stuff, order the new stroller, find a new yoga class, etc, etc.

While Brenda is here I thought we'd go to Bluewater and Blackheath so I can show her the new flat. I'm looking forward to spending some time in Cambridge too. Tobes and I will definitely go to The Orchard for breakfast one day. It's one of my favourite places in the world. When I die I'd love to have my ashes scattered there. I'd like to take Toby out on a punt too, chauffered of course. I can just see me trying to punt and overbalancing my big belly. We'd all end up in the river. Cambridge is just so lovely. Can't wait to wander through those cobbled streets again.

So, the time should pass quickly. I miss J already though. He called from his layover in Bangkok and everything was fine. The BA flight had NO CATERING but they were warned about that before boarding and given some vouchers to stock up at the airport. They were also feeding everyone in Bangkok so it sounds like it wasn't too much of a hardship. J's flying business class so he has a bed and said he slept most of the way so he didn't miss the food.

Ho hum, off to find something to do on this quiet Sunday.

The irony of NHS

Just doing some quick research on the specialist that Tobes would be seeing if we keep his NHS appointment. His name is Dr Edward Baker and I've just learned that he's one of the world's leading paediatric cardiologists and specialises in congenital heart defects, which is what Toby seems to have. If Toby needed an operation to correct his heart it would be done in the world's first facility that uses MRI rather than just X-rays to lead a catheter into the heart to make the repair. This gives a clearer view of the heart and reduces the chance of mistakes being made. It also protects the child from the negative repercussions of multiple X-rays such as increased risk of developing cancer in later life.

I'll definitely have to weigh this information up with what private health can offer. I'd really like for Tobes to see the best doctor and if that means waiting we might just wait until November. The best doctors here are NHS and not all of them have private practice as well. When I had my breast lump removed a few years ago my consultant was Prof Calne, the first doctor in the world to perform a successful double organ transplant. If I had gone privately, I wouldn't have seen someone so senior.

So different from the US but then here in England medicine isn't controlled by money. Remove the almighty dollar and it's a very different ballgame.

Here's some more info on Dr Baker. This is from the press release about his appointment to Medical Director at Guy's and St Thomas's Hospitals. I really want this to be the guy that sees Tobes, one way or the other.

"Dr Baker has been an Honorary Consultant Paediatric Cardiologist at Guy’s and St Thomas’ and a Senior Lecturer in Paediatric Cardiology at Guy’s, King’s College and St Thomas’ Hospitals School of Medicine since April 1987.

He has undertaken a variety of medical management roles at Guy’s and St Thomas’ over the last ten years and currently chairs the Trust’s Clinical Governance Committee. He has also been an Honorary Consultant Paediatric Cardiologist at Brighton Health Care NHS Trust, Bromley Hospitals NHS Trust and Barts and The London NHS Trust.

Dr Baker has published over 100 research papers and reviews covering all areas of clinical paediatric cardiology although the main focus of his work has been on the imaging of congenital heart disease.

He is currently researching the development of magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) of congenital heart disease – his main project is looking at the use of state-of-the-art magnetic imaging to guide interventional procedures.

Dr Baker was a member of the Department of Health’s national review of paediatric and congenital cardiac services from 2001 to 2002. He is a member of the British Cardiac Society, British Paediatric Cardiac Association, British Association of Medical Managers and the Association for European Paediatric Cardiology."

Hokey Cokey, more Yanks and Toby's heart

Tobes and I went to a dance and music class at the library this morning. They're running some free classes during the summer break and I know Toby has been getting bored with 'Not now, sweetheart. Mommy's tired.' It was a lot of fun. We started off with the Hello Song and went around the circle saying each of the children's names. The lady next to me said her children were Madison and Hudson, very unusual names in England.

Toby and Madison are the same age and were some of the oldest children in the class so they led everyone through most of the songs. Toby obviously sings a lot at preschool because he knew most of the songs and motions. I didn't know he knew the Hokey Cokey (what the Hokey Pokey is called here) but there he was shaking his leg like a pro.

Afterwards they got out some toys and the children had a play session. Madison's Mom leaned over and asked me when I was due. I'm so huge now that people seem to think my waters could break at any moment. The look on someone's face when I say 'early November' is always the same - shock, another quick glance at my bulging belly, then a polite smile. By September I'll be getting the 'how many are in there?!' looks too.

When Madison's Mom spoke to me I noticed a North American accent. Ah, that explains her children's names. Very American. Turns out she's from Kansas City, her husband is a minister setting up a church in London, they've been here for three years and live a few hundred yards down the road from us! We chatted until the class leaders turned the music off and Tobes and Madison were the only children left playing then we exchanged numbers and promised to get together soon.

So exciting meeting someone new! It takes a long time to make friends with English girls so it's a real pleasure to meet someone and exchange numbers within half an hour. Madison is really sweet and Hudson is just six months old so we can talk baby stuff. She does seem quite a bit younger than me but hopefully that won't matter. Good lord, it's so much like dating.

And speaking of dates, we finally got the appointment through for Toby's consultation with the extra-special heart specialist. Wait for it... it's 22 November. Beacuse it's not considered life threatening we're at the bottom of the waiting list for appointments. This is one of those times when National Health can be so frustrating. I understand that we're behind people on the list whose children might actually die from their heart conditions but it's still frustrating to wait for answers. Hopefully, we won't have to.

J gets private health through work so I've contacted them and they're checking to see if we can be seen privately. We'd most likely see the same specialist at the same hospital, just much earlier than November since the waiting lists are much shorter. We've never resorted to using the private policy before. The theory is that National Health only works if everyone uses it and I do support the NHS but there are times when an answer is needed sooner. This is one of those times.

I'm rationalising it this way - we're lucky enough for J to have the kind of job that provides private health (most don't) therefore if we use our policy someone less fortunate will be able to take our NHS appointment in November. I think I can live with that. In any case, I would never let my theorising or politics get in the way of what's best for Toby. Fingers crossed the private policy will cover the appointment. We should find out next week.

Pics from T's party

Many thanks to Andrew for the photos from Toby's birthday party. We never can seem to get it right. From his first birthday we have one picture of the cake and that's it. From his second we have a little bit of video but no photos. This year we managed a good bit of video but didn't take a single photograph. So, many thanks Andrew for capturing a few memories for us.

Toby and Mary Catherine eating the icing off the cake and having fun 

Thing 2... and then some 

Thing 1 

Our Cat in the Hat 

Toby's Progress

Toby is doing really well. He can write his name, say his ABCs (and even recognise a few of them), he can count to about 13 and count backwards from 5. His vocabulary is really coming along and he often surprises us with new phrases. I think he might have the speech impediment that runs in my family, but it's nothing that a little speech therapy won't correct.

He says things like 'That would be lovely' but it comes out 'Dat would be wovey', which is just adorable. We've noticed that he's experimenting with his past tense now which basically means that he adds -ed to the ends of verbs. He's come out with some crackers like 'We go-ded to the shops' and 'I eat-ed my dinner'.

He also comes out with phrases that leave J and I trying to guess from which one of us he's picked them up. For example, Tobes says 'you guys' and 'cool'. No problem guessing who says those things - that would be the American. Tobes also says 'fantastic' and, much to our delight, 'bugger'. I'm guessing they both come from the Englishman.

Tobes is at a really gorgeous stage now but a heartbreaking one at the same time. Every day I see more and more little boy and less of my little baby. He's getting taller and thinning out and his face is losing its babyishness (if that's a word). He's getting smarter too and, though it's much easier to reason with him, it's harder to fool him too. He wanted to play his music in the car recently but the thought of half an hour of The Gruffalo was more than I could stand so I said that the stereo wasn't working (shameful, I know). Toby said 'Just push that button and it'll come on'. I pretended to push the button then said again that it wasn't working. 'Dat's cause you didn't weawy push it.' Outsmarted by a three year old.

You know you're in Texas in August when...

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Oh yea, and air, pool, ocean and hot tub are all the same temp.

Time to detox

It's really unfortunate that I don't have Smell-a-vision because it would make my tale so much more powerful if you could smell the aromas drifting through my house right now. After the junkfood-fest that was Toby's birthday yesterday we had vomiting through the night and some rather shocking diarrhea this morning. All from Toby, unless J's been sneaking off to be sick somewhere. To be honest, J could've been doing poos behind the sofa and I wouldn't notice. Toby's own little odours have taken over the house.

Aside from the sickness, we had a great day yesterday. The weather wasn't perfect but it didn't rain and we managed to have most of the party in the garden. I think the kids had a good time and everyone gorged on sandwiches, crisps, Smarties, Iced Gems, cake, ice cream and jello with cream. It's no wonder Tobes was so sick last night. And let me share a really special detail with you - his vomit was pink. Not from blood or anything scary like that but I would guess the main contributor was the red icing he ate off of the birthday cake and the half ton of jello he consumed.

I hope none of the other children were ill last night. Poor Tobes was so tired. The last thing he wanted was to be put in a bath at 11.30 to wash vomit out of his hair. The guilt was overwhelming. I think next year I'll monitor his junkfood intake a little more closely. Poor little guy just can't take it.

He's fine this morning. He's trying to get me to go play Candyland now. He got some fantastic presents and has already made vegetable soup this morning with his pretend vegetables, had me read his Spiderman story that has his name in it and rode his scooter all over the living room.

So, off to play Candyland and work on the mountain of smelly laundry piled up in the kitchen. Oh, and must buy another waterproof sheet today. It seems that two is just not enough sometimes.