Mid-life crisis (yes, another post about getting older)

I posted a while back about Jason entering the great cliche of a mid-life crisis. He already bought the sports car, thank god there's still no sign of a twenty-something secretarial affair. It's not all just silly stuff though. There's a lot of angst, a lot of introspection, a lot of exhausting reassessment and now I've caught it too.

Of course, me being me, I want to attack this thing head on. I want to define it, understand it, work it out. Wallowing is not allowed (except in small doses). I've been googling this morning and one thing that I've learned is that this middle life pause is nothing new and certainly not unique to us. There are shelves of self-help books on the subject, loads of websites (some unintentionally very funny) and lots of advice on ways to cope with your mid-life crisis and your spouse's mid-life crisis. Worryingly, a number of these articles are linked to other articles with titles like "Surviving your partner's infidelity" and "Putting your life back together after divorce". Scary stuff.

I've also looked into literature, art and music and it seems like many creative people did their best work in later life. In their youth the work flowed, then there was a time of struggle before a new phase of creativity which had more depth and meaning. This is good to know. Of course, I'm no great artist nor do I think I will ever be. In fact, my biggest struggle is the fact that I have everything I've ever wanted. Now what?

And this too is not unique. It's the modern 'affluenza'. People are achieving their goals earlier in life and then they don't know what to do with themselves. They have the material goals, the job success, the family, the home. And then what happens next? I have no idea but I'm trying to see it as an exciting prospect rather than a terrifying one.

Another common symptom of this stage of life is looking around and realising that what you thought you wanted isn't actually what you want at all. Or realising that what you've worked so hard to achieve doesn't live up to the initial goal or dream. One problem I'm facing is an old schoolmate who has a pretty amazing life. Her life functions on a completely different level as far as money, celebrity and glamour. On paper, she has much of what I had dreamed for myself in my wildest dreams. I can't help it, I compare myself to her and I feel a sense of disappointment. I'm glossing over a lot of details as far as how she achieved this lifestyle. But just looking at the surface I can see that her life takes a lot of work to maintain and living like that would take away from the things that I think are important like consistent time with the children. I think the thing is deciding what's important to me, what makes me happy and not comparing myself or my achievements to anyone else.

So what is important to me? What makes me happy? When I ask myself these questions it only underlines the fact that I have a lovely life and should be wallowing in happiness and satisfaction and not worrying about what someone I knew twenty years ago is doing. And I think that therein lies the heart of the matter. My life is fine, it's my perception of my life that needs work. It's all in my head. If anyone said that to me I would be tempted to punch them in the mouth, but I wonder if it's true. We have everything we need and lots of things we just want. We have friends, family and each other. Maybe all this navel-gazing is just a self indulgent time wasting psycho wank. Hmm, something else to think about.

Getting old, for real now

I've noticed a new topic of discussion among friends lately. It's not something that's ever really crossed my mind before. Well, it probably crossed my mind but it didn't stop for tea and a long ponder until lately. The topic is the dreaded menopause. The Change and all it's little sidekicks like HRT (that's hormone replacement therapy for you young 'uns), body hair, hot flashes and the drying up of mucous membranes. Yea, I didn't say it was a pretty topic but it is becoming more and more topical as time goes on.

I've had a terrible sinus infection for the last two weeks. When I visited the doctor he asked if I'd had them before and when I said that I had started having them recently he nodded in a knowing way. He was writing out a prescription for antibiotics, which is like gold dust at our surgery, so I just let the matter slip rather than interrupt his writing with a question. I might say something wrong, he would reassess the diagnosis and I would end up going home with the recommendation of steaming my sinuses with fresh mint leaves but no real drugs to make me well. It has happened before. I'm American. I believe in heavy drugs so I noticed the nod but didn't query it.

Later I was chatting to a friend, another mum about the same age, and she said that she had started getting sinus infections too. She looked into it and discovered that sinus infections are common in women in the their late 30s and early 40s and can become chronic until the menopause. Fantastic.

I mentioned this to another friend while standing in the school playground waiting for the children to come out. She gave the same knowing nod that I saw at the doctor's surgery and used the cringe-worthy term - 'gummy mucous membranes'. Apparently it's a sign that hormones are changing, the need for nice wet slippery mucous is decreasing so things are getting a bit thicker... in those areas of the body where... well, you know. It's all leading up to the menopause. There's that word again.

Then on Facebook, a girl I went to school with wrote a note about her recent hysterectomy. When I read the words I gasped. Oh my God! She can't have any more children! How awful! What a terrible thing to go through at such a young age! But no. I then started reading comments from other women, all of them in the US, and lots of them had had hysterectomies BY CHOICE. The idea seems to be to just skip all the irregular periods and cut to the chase by whipping it all out. Well, not always all. There were comments about keeping the ovaries and just removing the womb, the benefits of keyhole surgery rather than an incision and whether to have HRT or not. I read these comments with my mouth hanging open. Is it really normal now to just decide to have major surgery to avoid a few months of inconvenience?? That seems so bizarre.

And then yet another friend brought up the subject of The Change over coffee. She's against HRT but is open to more natural remedies like some kind of yam cream you rub on your forearms. Oh great, so not only will I grow a mustache but I'm going to smell of yams. It's amazing how knowledgeable women are on the subject. I feel like I need to start educating myself. I've just been skipping along - tra la la - thinking it will happen 'one day' but not really anytime soon. From the state of my sinuses I wonder if I should be more concerned. And there is the lingering question of whether or not to have that third baby... The clock is ticking.

Second-hand house

I heard a new term on Facebook today. One of my 'friends' (aka someone I have never met in real life but is a friend of someone I went to school with but don't really rmemeber very well) just moved house and was complaining about the toilets. She said that if she ever bought a 'used house' again she would make them replace the toilets because using someone else's toilet is disgusting.

First off, this made me laugh. I mean, a 'used house'? As if a house isn't a permanent structure to be lived in by different people and families through the years. What's the alternative? Everyone building new houses? What happens when someone wants or needs to move? Or dies? Does the used house just remain empty or does it get torn down so someone else can build yet another house on the spot? It's like disposable housing. Scary but a weird possibility with the disposable society that we're becoming.