J took Tobes to school this morning so I've been catching up on odd jobs in the flat. Now Rosie is napping and the flat is so peaceful. It's raining again and I've turned off all the lights and cracked the windows. I do love the rain. I have lots of memories of sitting wrapped in blankets with Dad on our patio on Loyce and listening to the rain on the metal roof.

I made myself a cup of tea and while I waited for the kettle to boil I stood and leaned against the window. I love these old houses. The dirty bricks, the slate roof tiles, the old wonky chimneys. Even the drafty windows. I stood for a long time and just watched the rain.

It's getting to that time of year when I just want to wrap my arms around London. I'm already thinking about Christmas and the procession through the village. I wonder if Tobes will be a sheperd in the nativity play this year. I want to take the children ice skating at Somerset House. They have little sleds that Rosie can ride around in. I can't wait to see her all wrapped up in her winter coat, her little cheeks all pink with the cold. It's my favourite time of year.

D'ya ever have one of those days?

J left the house just after 7am for work. He had a meeting in Oxfordshire today and needed an early start. I had been awake since about 5.15am and out of bed since 6.15am. The children have had a string of terrible nights. From Rosie's teething to Toby falling out of bed it's been hell. They both want to get up about 5.30 most mornings too so J and I have been zombies.

This morning was one of the worst ever. Rosie was tired and cranky and kept screaming, not out of sadness but out of anger and frustration. She's at that age where she thinks she can do more than she actually can is always trying to keep up with Toby. Toby has suddenly realised that there's someone in the house smaller than him and has started bossing Rosie around. Well, I guess it's more that he tries to be a little parent to her. He's constantly telling her what she can't do and sometimes he'll eat something that she can't have, like a cookie, right in front of her. Every time she tries to take a bite he'll say 'No, you can't have this Rosie. It has wheat in it.' Then take another big bite. Little stinker.

Of course, I do intervene but this morning they were getting on each other's nerves and they were both driving me crazy. Finally managed to get Tobes to school and thought I would have a coffee while Rosie napped. She woke up as soon as the cup hit the table and I ended up leaving almost a whole cup to go cold while I dealt with her.

I had booked a session at the gym at 2.00 and had booked both children into the creche. Rosie has decided that she hates the creche so I thought having Toby there with her might help. I was really looking forward to my quiet time on the treadmill. It's so stress-relieving.

We rushed through lunch and I miraculously got both children in the car on time. I got behind the wheel, turned the key... and nothing. The engine didn't respond at all. I tried again... and again. I was ready to bang my head on the steering wheel. Back inside I called the creche to cancel, texted J and called RAC to come out and take a look at it. J rang and asked if I had checked whether or not the car had been left in gear. I hadn't.

Back to the car. Sure enough the last time I drove the car I had left it in reverse! I put it in Park, turned the key and the engine sprang to life. Ran back in the house to cancel the RAC call-out. I thought about still trying to go to the gym but the way my day is going I just know I would break my neck on the treadmill.

A weight off my mind

Mom found a shop in Beaumont called Basic Foods that sells organic fruit, vegetables and meats AND they stock lots of wheat- and dairy-free foods that Rosie can eat. Mom gave me their number and I rang today just to make sure that they had suitable food and it's fantastic! I'm so pleased. I could really feel my tension building as I worried about feeding the smallest kiddo in Texas. They did say that they're the only supplier from Louisiana to Houston! So glad they're in Beaumont.

Rain, rain

Felt like a real English mummy today. It was chucking down rain when it was time to pick Tobes up from school so I bundled Rosie up and put her in the stroller with the rain cover. I put on my wellies and my waterproof jacket with the hood (umbrellas are for wimps), grabbed Toby's waterproofs and we splashed off to get the boy.

Since it's such a rainy day we stopped at the DVD shop and got the second Harry Potter film then we all stomped home together. Rosie has learned how to kick her rain cover hard enough to get her legs outside. I think she likes to feel the rain. You know, I've heard the phrase 'bull in a china shop' but I don't think I ever really saw it until Rosie started crawling. The child is into everything. She never wants to stop. About the only time she's still is when she's sleeping or eating and even then she's usually trying to stand up in her highchair. I was cooking in the kitchen one afternoon and turned around to find Rosie sitting in the centre of the dining table merrily eating grapes out of the fruit bowl. The girl is a handfull.

But back to the rain. We've come home, stripped off, hung our jackets over the bathtub and had a nice lunch. Now it's Harry Potter until Toby gets bored and then we'll probably make some cookies. Can't wait until wintertime when the hiss of the radiators will make it feel even more cozy.

An allergy-free Nigella

Rosie's dietician gave us the details of a website that specialises in food and ingredients for people with allergies. I did a big order for Rosie of things like corn pasta (they even had it in animal shapes!), rice flour, egg substitute and special oatmeal cookies. She's been having the pasta with veggie purees and small pieces of meat but tonight is the first time that I've really cooked anything for her.

One of the challenges is getting enough protein, calcium and fat into Rosie. For some reason her formula, Neocate, is high in vitamins and amino acids but not these other things. Rosie does take a calcium supplement but the dietician recommended trying to get as much calcium as possible in Rosie's food too. She eats a lot of beans, spinach, broccoli and dried fruit. I decided to start out easy today and make fishcakes. I looked up my favorite recipe (Nigella, of course) and adapted it using the special ingredients. They were fantastic! Even I liked them. They're great for freezing too which will make things easier on busy days. Very pleased and looking forward to adapting some more recipes.

I am starting to worry about feeding Rosie in the States in November. She can't tolerate lecithin and so many foods in America use it as a preservative. Organic fruit and vegetables are also difficult to find where Mom and Dad live. I'm planning to take a suitcase full of Rosie's pasta, biscuits, rice flour, formula, egg substitute, etc, etc and then just prepare very simple meals for her. What a big fuss for such a little girl.

Learning and looking

Had a day out today with my friend Natasha. It was London Open House this weekend when a number of buildings of architectural interest that are not usually open to the public open their doors. We decided to visit the Ismaili Centre in South Kensington. It's a kind of social club with a prayer room for Ismaili Muslims. The Aga Khan himself helped to design the building which is really beautiful. It's an amazing place and forms the heart of the Ismaili community in London. We removed our shoes and visited the prayer room where we learned about the history of the Ismaili religion and were able to ask questions. The speaker was very eloquent and patiently answered some rather rude and inappropriate questions.

Afterwards we went for lunch in an outdoor cafe and then visited the Serpentine Gallery. I wanted to see the exhibition Uncertain States of America and Natasha wanted to visit the Koolhaas/Balmond pavilion before it's removed in October. The exhibtion was OK but there were a great number of works that seemd to have no concept or craft and left us both cold. There were some great video works that saved us though and the giant hazelnut meringue we shared in the pavilion topped the day off nicely.

Afterwards we walked through Kensington Gardens and I stopped to take a photo of the Peter Pan statue for Tobes. It was lovely to see Natasha and to learn something new.

Oh I do love to be beside the sea

After pilates class this morning my friend Poppy and I were chatting over coffee. Poppy was telling me how much she enjoyed living in this area. We have all the urban grit and excitement of London with the convenience of Bluewater (Europe's largest shopping mall) just twenty minutes away and the coast only forty minutes away. She told me about a lovely seaside town called Whitstable that they like to visit.

By the time I got home I felt ready for an adventure so we loaded up the car and headed off to Whitstable. One of the best things about living on such a small island is that you're never very far from the sea. In just over an hour we were in Whitstable and it was as lovely and charming as Poppy had described. First stop was lunch. We found the East Quay Restaurant with tables outside on the beach and had proper chunky fish and chips with lots of salt and vinegar. Afterwards we walked down to the water, took off our shoes and went wading. Even Rosie had a splash.

Now I should explain that English beaches are not like the beaches we have in Texas. No one was swimming and I didn't even see anyone wearing a bathing suit. There are sandy beaches in England but most are pebble, as is Whitstable. In high summer and in places like Cornwall you do get more of the typical beachy atmosphere but places like Whitstable are more for walking and wading and enjoying the sea air. It's on the North Sea and that water is COLD. Described as 'bollock shrinking' cold today (well it is September).

It was a lovely day. Even the drive was nice. Getting out of London and seeing the patchwork of fields - bright green pastures dotted with sheep, plowed fields all golden brown with dark green hedges in between. Tobes had a great time and didn't want to leave. Of course, we came home with a few seashells and promises to visit again. Maybe for a long weekend next time.

Fame still awaits

Well, didn't hear back from Dove. Felt a bit down about it over the weekend, mostly because I had already spent the money in my head, but OK now. At least it was a new experience.

I've been sorting out the flat this week. I moved the furniture in the living room around on Monday. It's an improvement but still not how I'd really like it. We need a TV cabinet before I can get it just right. Then I sorted through the hall cupboard and put loads of stuff in the charity box. Cleaned out the storage under Toby's bed so he can actually keep some toys under there now. Today I cleaned out the bookshelves in the living room and organised the utility cupboard. Just felt like the place needed a good tidy. We basically shoved things into closets when we moved here then had Rosie two weeks later and everything just stayed put until now.

Speaking of Rosie, she's started pulling up on the furniture and is into everything. She can now say 'cracker' and 'banana' and nods her head yes and no (mostly no). It's so funny to suddenly be able to have a conversation with her. Admittedly they generally consist of 'Rosie, would you like a banana?'. Rosie nods yes. 'Rosie, are you ready to get out of the bath?' Rosie shakes her head no. 'Rosie, do you love your Mommy?' Rosie shouts 'dadadada'.

Holding my breath

Well, the audition was an experience. As I was getting ready to leave the house with the children, checking the nappy bag, packing Toby a 'picnic' dinner, getting jackets, etc, etc I did wonder what on earth I was doing dragging the kids across London at dinnertime for something as frivolous as an advertisement. It all went surprisingly well though.

We arrived in WC1 with lots of time so we sat in an outdoor cafe and people-watched while I fed Rosie. Toby is very good company and it was nice to just sit and chat. I thought we'd have a little walk around the area before going for the audition and as we were strolling Toby suddenly announced that he needed the loo and that he 'might've had a very little accident'. Geez. We ran into the British Museum and found a loo. Toby's underpants had a small wet patch which I had to dry under the hand dryer. As I stood there with Toby naked from the waist down, holding his underpants under the dryer, I noticed that Rosie had a very concentrated look on her face. So, I changed Rosie's poopy nappy while Tobes got dressed. By the time everyone was clean and dry we had about two minutes to get to the audition.

I arrived sweaty and flustered to a very chic office. At first I thought the receptionist was working on a shoot or something and was only half dressed but no, she was actually wearing a very, very short dress and hadn't forgotten to put her trousers on. I felt absolutely ancient. I sat in an industrial looking waiting room with a bunch of twenty-something American girls. They sat calmly chatting while I was trying to fill in forms, feed Rosie raisins to keep her quiet, put on lip gloss and help Tobes colour all at the same time. We were given a wide berth. The receptionist came over to look at Rosie and told me how cute she was while standing back and cautiously touching Rosie with one finger. She seemed to think that Rosie was a bomb that might go off at any moment.

Finally the casting agent came out. She took one look at the children and said 'oh look, little people' in the same tone in which she might've said 'oh look, someone has shit in the middle of the floor'. Not a great sign. I followed her into a room set up for a shoot with a white backdrop and a video camera. As I struggled through the heavy metal door, trying to hold it open and maneuver the stroller and Toby (who was clinging to my leg) into the room I said "Well, you asked for real women. It doesn't get any more real than this!"

I was asked to stand in front of the camera while they asked me a few questions. They asked how long I had been in England and when I said almost thirteen years they said "Ah, that's why you sound like Madonna. Can you turn up the American accent?" which I dutifully did. Then I had to put my hands on my head while they took a few photos. They had asked me to wear a white tank top and I'm sure they took a close-up of one of my arm pits which felt very strange. Then I had to throw my hands in the air and say "Seven days! Yes!". I felt very silly.

The children were very good. As I was standing in front of the camera I could see Toby, stony-faced and bored, watching me which made me laugh. It all took about five minutes and then we were gone. I should find out by Friday if I've got the job. I was so flustered that I didn't ask about being paid. It just seemed like a bit of a laugh to me but a friend today told me that she knew someone who was in a Dove ad and they were paid quite well. So, who knows!

The media career continues!

Oh my good lord. You'll never guess what I'm doing tomorrow. Going for a screen test! You know how Dove soap has stopped using models and started using real people? Well, I heard through the Texas Exes (my American expat group) that they were looking for Americans in London for their next ad campaign. I thought what the hell and sent off an email with a couple of pics, thinking nothing would actually come of it. Very excited now!

So tomorrow the children and I (they were very happy for the kids to come along) are going down to a casting studio in WC1 where I'll be photographed and filmed. Even if nothing else happens it sounds like it'll be an interesting experience.

Big Nikki-shaped hole in the house

Nikki left on Friday and I've been moping ever since. When I'm down I clean. Today I cleaned out the fridge including removing and washing each shelf, scrubbed the bathroom taps to remove all the limescale, washed the children's bath mat with bleach, cleaned the doors of the kitchen cupboards, cleaned the garbage bin and did five loads of laundry. Yes, I'm missing Nikki just a little bit.

Her actual leaving was quite manic as Heathrow was in full chaos as only Heathrow can be. Nikki was one of the last people to get on the plane because the lines and delays at security were so long. She did make it to Boston though, where she's staying with her friend Mary, and will head back to California on Wednesday.

I know the children are missing her too. I rang Nikki yesterday and Toby said 'Tell her that we miss her, Mommy.' A few days before Nikki left Rosie started saying 'Kikki' and has been asking for 'Kikki' ever since. Thank goodness it's just a few months before we see her again for Thanksgiving.

It was so great having her here. We talked a lot about our childhoods. A lot of things we shared like spying on Jon through the AC vents and Mom's Christmas cookies but a lot of things were different too. There are nine years between us so while my childhood memories include Nancy Drew books and wanting to look like Linda Blair in Roller Boogie, Nikki's were all about Sweet Valley High and Grease 2. I remembered 'Chinese night' when Mom and I would wear cheong sams and we would eat dinner sitting on the floor, lots of baking with Mom and even once having a taffy pull. By the time Nikki came along Mom and Dad were that bit older and had three children so her memories were more about pee wee drill team and me sneaking her into inappropriate places like clubs on Sixth Street when she was 11 or letting her drive my car when she was 9. I left home when Nikki was 11 so there are a lot of things that I missed. It was nice to hear about it all and to have the time to really talk.

I think Toby saw a different side to his Mom. More than once Nikki and I would be sharing stories, rehashing old family tales or just bursting into song at the breakfast table and Toby would look at us both with surprise and rapt attention. I suspect he's saving some of the stories for future use. Jon and I played endless practical jokes on each other when we were growing up and I'm sure my stories gave Toby more than a few ideas.

So, now life goes on. A bit more quietly. It was wonderful having Nikki here. So young and fresh and (dare I say it) American. She kept me on my toes and being with Nikki reminded me of who I was before marriage and babies and England. It was nice to reaquaint myself with some of the qualities that I've lost along the way. After a summer with my little sister I definitely have a lighter spirit and my toenails have never looked better.