Holding my breath

Well, the audition was an experience. As I was getting ready to leave the house with the children, checking the nappy bag, packing Toby a 'picnic' dinner, getting jackets, etc, etc I did wonder what on earth I was doing dragging the kids across London at dinnertime for something as frivolous as an advertisement. It all went surprisingly well though.

We arrived in WC1 with lots of time so we sat in an outdoor cafe and people-watched while I fed Rosie. Toby is very good company and it was nice to just sit and chat. I thought we'd have a little walk around the area before going for the audition and as we were strolling Toby suddenly announced that he needed the loo and that he 'might've had a very little accident'. Geez. We ran into the British Museum and found a loo. Toby's underpants had a small wet patch which I had to dry under the hand dryer. As I stood there with Toby naked from the waist down, holding his underpants under the dryer, I noticed that Rosie had a very concentrated look on her face. So, I changed Rosie's poopy nappy while Tobes got dressed. By the time everyone was clean and dry we had about two minutes to get to the audition.

I arrived sweaty and flustered to a very chic office. At first I thought the receptionist was working on a shoot or something and was only half dressed but no, she was actually wearing a very, very short dress and hadn't forgotten to put her trousers on. I felt absolutely ancient. I sat in an industrial looking waiting room with a bunch of twenty-something American girls. They sat calmly chatting while I was trying to fill in forms, feed Rosie raisins to keep her quiet, put on lip gloss and help Tobes colour all at the same time. We were given a wide berth. The receptionist came over to look at Rosie and told me how cute she was while standing back and cautiously touching Rosie with one finger. She seemed to think that Rosie was a bomb that might go off at any moment.

Finally the casting agent came out. She took one look at the children and said 'oh look, little people' in the same tone in which she might've said 'oh look, someone has shit in the middle of the floor'. Not a great sign. I followed her into a room set up for a shoot with a white backdrop and a video camera. As I struggled through the heavy metal door, trying to hold it open and maneuver the stroller and Toby (who was clinging to my leg) into the room I said "Well, you asked for real women. It doesn't get any more real than this!"

I was asked to stand in front of the camera while they asked me a few questions. They asked how long I had been in England and when I said almost thirteen years they said "Ah, that's why you sound like Madonna. Can you turn up the American accent?" which I dutifully did. Then I had to put my hands on my head while they took a few photos. They had asked me to wear a white tank top and I'm sure they took a close-up of one of my arm pits which felt very strange. Then I had to throw my hands in the air and say "Seven days! Yes!". I felt very silly.

The children were very good. As I was standing in front of the camera I could see Toby, stony-faced and bored, watching me which made me laugh. It all took about five minutes and then we were gone. I should find out by Friday if I've got the job. I was so flustered that I didn't ask about being paid. It just seemed like a bit of a laugh to me but a friend today told me that she knew someone who was in a Dove ad and they were paid quite well. So, who knows!