Jon & Angie

My little brother is getting married today. Unfortunately, with Rosie being so small we were unable to make the trip so I'm sitting here wondering how it's going, what everyone is doing, what I'm missing.

I was very lucky to meet his fiancee, Angie, in May when we were in Texas. She's a tiny little red-headed thing and from what I hear she's been a huge blessing to Jon and Dyllin. I so wish I could've been there to throw her a bridal shower but hopefully I can make up for it with a baby shower within a few years. They're getting married in about an hour. I wonder how they're feeling. I'd love to see my family all dressed up. It's so rare that we do these kinds of things. Nikki has promised me lots of photos and all the details. I hope it's going well.

It suddenly hit me last week that Angie won't just be Jon's wife and Dyl's stepmom, she'll be my sister-in-law and aunt to Tobes and Rosie. I've been showing Toby her photo and telling him about his new Aunt Angie. It's so exciting to have a new member of the family.

I hope they're enjoying their day.

Christmas highlights

• A few days before Christmas I was in the kitchen preparing Toby's lunch, Rosie was in her bouncy chair in the living room and Tobes was pottering about. I put his lunch on the table and went in to get Rosie to find her wide-eyed and covered head to toe in gold glitter. "TOBY!! Did you put glitter on your sister?!" "Mommy, I wanted to make her sparkly." Rosie sparkled for days afterward because getting the glitter out of the fuzz on her head was virtually impossible.

• A few days later and Tobes is refusing to eat his lunch. "I'm going to save my lunch for Santa." "Toby, I don't think Santa wants your lunch. Mrs Claus will make Santa's lunch for him." "But Mommy, he's very fat. He needs to eat a lot so he can eat my lunch too."

• On Christmas Eve Rosie laughs for the first time when Elizabeth says in a silly Southern accent "Pass the hairspray, Rosie Rae." That little detail will definitely be going into the baby book.

• 3.15am on Christmas morning. "MOMMY! DADDY! SANTA"S BEEN HERE!! GET UP!" Yes, we got up.

• 6.00am the day after Christmas. "Has Santa been here again??"

• The day after Christmas and Tobes is not eating his lunch again (do you see a theme here?). I try to encourage him to eat and he gets a sly look and says "Santa's not watching me now. I can be naughty again." Oh dear.

Another quick update

The days are so full right now. Quick updates are about all I can manage. I've got a bunch of photos I want to add to the blog too including one of Rosie's rare smiles. Actually, she's smiling a lot more now and is becoming a real Daddy's girl. When J starts talking to her she lights up and she gives her biggest and best smiles to him. It's so lovely to see that stern little face break into a big cheesy grin... and Rosie's smiles are pretty cute too.

J and I did our supermodel bit on Saturday and had a great time. They did my hair really curly which was fun but reminded me of my bouffant highschool hair. Everyone at the shoot was so nice. I was nervous that they would all be supercool and pity us for being so old and parental. In fact, the opposite was true. It was like stumbling into a Bridget Jones movie. I finally understand the true meaning of Smug Marrieds and it was very strange being one of them for the day.

As J and I were getting ready to leave I overheard them discussing whose hands to use for the next shoot. I volunteered my services and, since I had 'fewer bones' in my hands than the others, they accepted! So I did a bit of hand modelling too. I had to hold various bits of tacky lingerie over a garbage bin. Very glamourous.

AND now I'm doing an article in a pregnancy magazine! I'm being interviewed about my pregnancy witn Rosie and I'll be doing another shoot. I'm going to have to start charging for my services. Cindy Crawford watch out.

Now we're building up to Christmas. I've been spending far too much on presents for the kiddos and J and I are treating ourselves a bit too. I bought some lovely boots today that remind me of the episode of Friends where Monica buys the boots. Hopefully these won't make my feet bleed like hers did but I feel just as excited about them.

Toby has his school Christmas party tomorrow. They've got Father Christmas coming to see the children and Tobes is really excited. On Christmas Eve we're meeting up with the lovely Mary Catherine and her parents at Canary Wharf for morning coffee. In the evening we're going to the Christmas Eve procession here in Blackheath. They have Mary, Joseph and the donkey walk through the village. The procession ends at All Saints church on the heath where everyone sings carols. Christmas day is just the four of us here at home and I do the whole turkey, sprouts and parsnips lunch. On Boxing Day we're going up to see J's family and see Jenny & Kieran. The day after Boxing Day we're planning to do a walk for charity through Greenwich Park but we may stay in Cambridge instead. We'll just play it by ear.

And I think that's all for now. Time for bed.

Quick update

Well, still ill. We all trouped down to the doctors today and are now all on antibiotics. Hopefully this will finally get us over being sick. Poor little Rosie, she's six weeks old tomorrow and has spent five weeks ill. She hasn't had any fever but is a snotty little thing. The doc said she had some fluid on her lungs too but that it was nothing to worry about and the antibiotics would clear it right up. J and I have bronchitis and Tobes has a chest infection. So exhausting.

In more exciting news, J and I are being featured in a British magazine! I'm going to wait and see how it turns out before I broadcast the details but it's a glossy monthly women's magazine and the article is about lasting love (ah bless). We answered various questions and a specialist gave her feedback on our relationship. It was actually all very positive but some of the questions were about s-e-x so we want to see exactly what makes it into the article before we tell everyone to go and look for it. We've got the photo shoot on Friday and I spoke to the magazine's art director today and gave her our clothing sizes. They're doing hair, make-up, styling, the whole bit. Lord knows what we're going to look like. I still feel like a heffalump after the pregnancy but I'm hoping they can work their magic and make me look svelte.

Last Friday Tobes had his nativity play at school. Toby was in the Male Choir and wore red trousers, a white shirt and a Santa hat. He did very well though about halfway through the production he stood on stage, looked at us out in the audience and said very loudly 'I'm tired!' He had had a big morning. Of course, I made a complete idiot of myself and cried my way through a stack of tissues. It was just so amazing to be watching my little boy in a school play while my little girl slept in her Daddy's arms next to me. In that moment all my dreams had come true. So, so happy right now.

Navel gazing

Three things have happened in the last week that have made me stop and think.

The first one was last week as I was finishing French Women Don't Get Fat (thinking about losing the baby weight). At the end of the book the author talks about life stages and breaks them down into age groups that include 17-34 and 35-55. It suddenly hit me that in about six weeks I'll be moving into the latter category. When I read that section it struck terror into my heart. It's all about metabolism slowing down, loss of bone density and even discusses menopause! Good heavens.

Then on Friday Toby's school hired a little theatre company to come and do Puss in Boots for the children. I went to pick Tobes up just as the actors were loading the van. Tobes was a bit starstruck so we stopped to chat and tell them how much Toby had enjoyed the show. The group was made up of about half a dozen guys and girls in their early twenties. As Tobes and I were walking home with Rosie in the stroller I realised something that really frightened me - to those fresh young people I was virtually invisible. I was a Mother and I wasn't 'young'. If they had been forced to call me by name they would've called me Mrs Futers. The girls could not imagine being friends with me and the boys, god forbid, could not imagine sleeping with me.

Now, I'm not hankering for my youth but this was the first time that I felt older than other people who would be considered adults themselves. It's one thing to feel the differences between yourself and a group of grotty teenagers, quite another to feel so far from something that still seems so close.

Then yesterday, another disconcerting experience. I finally got around to taking the bottle of champagne that's been knocking around the trunk of our car for weeks to our estate agent. It's a thank you present for all of her hard work with the buying of the flat. The agent is named Miranda . She's in her mid-late twenties and in the raging insanity of pregnancy I was convinced that J was either having an affair with her or hoping to. Now, I didn't really think that J was having an affair but I did, and still do, think that if he was going to have an affair the person would be someone like Miranda.

She's very London. Very well-dressed but not uptight. Quite pretty and very well groomed. Business-like to the point of being curt at times but can turn on the charm when necessary. If I'm being honest, she reminds me of myself at the same age... or at least my hopeful perception of myself at that age. Yesterday I was much more struck by our differences. Miranda had her hair highlighted since the last time I saw her and it had obviously been blow-dried that morning because it looked soft and smooth. This was in stark contrast to my own hair. I too had washed my hair that morning but had then quickly shoved it into a ponytail while it was still wet so that I could wipe Toby's bottom and get Rosie her bottle. As I stood in the real estate office in Miranda's glow I suddenly realised that I hadn't even looked in the mirror before leaving the house. Ugh. I had at least remembered to brush my teeth. Yay.

Miranda asked how we were doing and I said that we were fine but that we all had this awful cold that's been going around. She replied that she had it too and wasn't it dreadful. Again, the differences stood out in stark relief. She was poised, groomed and had her make up on. I, on the other hand, knew from experience that my face would be bright red from the cold and I could actually see the dry flakes on the end of my nose from blowing it constantly and I knew that I looked as knackered as I felt. Add to this picture Miranda's chic little skirt and my sweatpants with dirty hems because they're too long without the bump to hold them up and you can understand my discomfort.

As I stood talking to her, trying to maintain my composure while I became increasingly concerned as each difference made itself obvious to me, I saw Rosie spit up out of the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped the sick off her mouth and the snot from her nose before saying goodbye. I awkwardly backed the stroller out of the office door, laden like a packhorse with the nappy bag and my bulging handbag. As I waved goodbye I noticed Miranda pick up a tiny elegant handbag and virtually glide into the next office. Ugh again.

Now what does all of this mean? Do I want to be twenty again? No. Do I want to be Miranda? Absolutely not. Do I have a new position and identity to which I need to adjust? Definitely. Being 31 with one child is a far cry from being 35 with two children. It's getting serious now. I may just have to grow up.

Hopefully not too much though.

Watch this

I am loving the BBC sitcom called Blessed. It's about a thirty-something couple in London with two children (you can see why I love it). If you have children and you haven't seen it you are missing out. Some of the dialogue is a bit heavy but it makes me cry with laughter at least once every week. It's on Fridays on BBC1.

You can read about it and watch a couple of video clips here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/b/blessed_999051007.shtml

I love the clip about the Family Desk Diary. We have a calendar in the kitchen where everything is supposed to be written down. Their conversation reminds me of one that J and I had when he suggested we go more technological, get me a Palm Pilot or something and 'sync' our diaries rather than just write them down in the kitchen. You can imagine my response.

Quick update

As you can imagine, it's been chaos here. At the moment we're all sick AGAIN and suffering with colds. Here are a few pics taken in the last couple of weeks. Unfortunately, a few pics is about all I have the energy for at the moment.

The pics include one of my whole little family, a few of the kiddos and one of Tobes and Rosie when they both fell asleep at the same time last week. I didn't know what to do with myself!

You can see that Rosie Rae is still a very solemn child. She even scowls in her sleep but I did get my first full-on, looking me straight in the eyes smile yesterday. It was fleeting and hasn't been repeated but it was absolutely heart stopping. Still makes me weepy just thinking about it. Last night J got all teary watching Phoebe's wedding on Friends and thinking about perhaps walking Rosie down the aisle one day. Christ, we're soppy old sods.

Some pics

Here's Tobes with his Papa and Nana and a pic in his new coat, hat and gloves. I posted the bathtub pic in the baby blog but had to post it hear too. It's just so cute!

God help us

Tobes is still ill. I'm taking him back to the doctor's tomorrow. Counting the trips to the emergency room this will be our sixth visit to the doctor in two weeks. Rosie is on antibiotics, J had conjunctivitis and I am losing my mind.

If we didn't have Toby's illness to deal with I think things would be fine. Rosie has fallen into a 3-4 hour routine so I could get some reasonable sleep. The problem is still Toby waking up and being up for hours every night. We now think he might have the flu as he keeps complaigning about his neck and legs hurting as well as having a sore throat and being very congested. I hope they can diagnose something. Just giving it a name will be a relief. Right now it feels like we're never going to be well.

What a week

Rosie and I came home on Friday. On Saturday Toby wasn't feeling well. On Sunday night Tobes started vomiting and J eventually had to take him to the emergency room. At one point they suspected meningitis and he was fitted for an IV. He was sent home three hours later and we were told that he just had a very bad virus. On Monday night J took Tobes back to the emergency room with a scary high fever that we couldn't get down. They prescribed antibiotics. On Monday Tobes was much better. On Tuesday night Tobes started itching and came up in a rash and we discovered that he's allergic to penicillin. On Wednesday I took Tobes to the doctor (even though I'm not supposed to be driving. J had to go to work so there weren't many options.) They said Tobes had a virus, made a note about his penicillin allergy and sent us home with no more antibiotics much to my frustration. Wednesday night Tobes was up all night with fever which jumped to 102 degrees this morning. Today I took him back to the doctor's and I was in an even worse mood than yesterday. They prescribed a different antibiotic. Poor little thing is exhausted. Hopefully this medicine will be the answer.

Of course, while all of this has been going on we've been adjusting to life with Rosie and I've been trying to recover from surgery. J has picked up Toby's bug and been trying to do some work this week. Thank God Mom and Dad have been here. They've been doing a lot of Rosie's care and feeding (not sure the child will recognise me after they leave), keeping the house tidy, doing tons of laundry and making sure we all eat. I really can't imagine the state we'd be in without them.

Some pics

Here's Tobes in his roles as Buzz Lightyear and proud big brother. More baby pics in the Baby Blog.

And then there were four

Rosamund Rae arrived at 3.14pm on Tuesday 1November, which everyone who reads this blog is probably very much aware of already.

You may not know that we're all home now. I'm still walking hunched over with boobs like missiles, Rosie has slept all day, Toby's head seems to be spinning and J is shell-shocked. Luckily Mom and Dad are here to witness the chaos and make sure we all eat.

More in the Baby Blog...

Halloween

With everything going on at the moment we really wanted to make sure that Tobes had a fun Halloween. His little life has been turned upside down with changing schools, moving house and preparing for a new baby in the house. Not to mention, putting up with a heavy, exhausted mother. So on Sunday we had the lovely Mary Catherine and her lovely Mom and Dad over to decorate pumpkins and cupcakes. Have you ever seen more gorgeous children?! Tobes and MC get on so well and they had a brilliant time playing which meant that the grown ups had a brilliant time chatting (and eating one or two cupcakes).

MC's Nana sent our own little Cupcake a welcome present of a little sleeping bag which has been washed and packed into my hospital bag. (Many thanks!!)

Mom and Dad arrived this morning and are sleeping off the jetlag as I type. It was great to see them and Tobes was in overdrive with excitement. Tonight we got him dressed into his Buzz Lightyear costume and he and J went trick or treating. Halloween is still a very small holiday here so there were only three or four houses welcoming trick or treaters, but that was plenty for Tobes. The sign here is putting out a jack o'lantern. If there's a jack o'lantern visible then the house is celebrating Halloween and treats are being handed out. We put out the two pumpkins that Tobes painted and one that J made along with a little lantern. We had about a dozen trick or treaters in total, which isn't bad for England.

Now Tobes is crashed out and Mom & Dad are fast asleep. J and I are starting to prepare for the big day tomorrow. I can barely believe that Cupcake is going to be here in less than 24 hours. (More in my pregnancy blog.)

Busy, busy, busy

Today is my baby shower. Because in this modern age no one stays in the same place for long, my friends are scattered all over England. Our new flat is the most central location so everyone is coming here. I did feel a little nervous about hosting a gathering just two weeks after we moved in but the place has come together and I'm really looking forward to it. I think it'll be good for Tobes to have some of his friends over too (because it's on Friday it's just my stay-at-home mom friends and their children). Hopefully this will really christen the flat and make it even more of a home.

This weekend we're going to do some Halloween stuff and make cakes and carve pumpkins. Hopefully the lovely Mary Catherine and her parents will be able to join us. I'd like to see as many people as possible before D-Day on Tuesday when the baby is born. I have no idea what this baby will be like so no idea what life will be like after she arrives. I want to embrace some normality before then.

And on Monday Mom and Dad arrive! If you read Dad's comment on the previous entry I have to tell you that he's barely joking about their luggage. The things that I know Mom is bringing include:

Hamburger Helper, Chicken Helper, Velveeta, Ro-tel, cornbread mix, Halloween chocolates, eight different outfits for Cupcake, four blankets for Cupcake, two pairs of trousers for Tobes with various tops, PJ bottoms for J, fajita seasoning... and the list goes on.

It's going to be like Christmas when they get here.

We're hoping to take Mom and Dad out for a nice meal before they leave and there's a restaurant we've been to a few times in the OXO Tower that we'd like to go to. It overlooks the Thames and has wonderful views of Parliament and Big Ben. You can't fly 4000 miles to London and not see Big Ben. I know I won't be ready for public transportation by then and, once the baby arrives and we have two car seats, we won't all fit in our car. Hmmmm, what to do?

My solution was that we rent a larger car for a couple of days. I suggested we choose something that we would actually consider buying so that we can try it out. Maybe the 7-seater version of what we already drive. 'Great idea', says J. Last night I noticed he was looking at a car rental website called Eurostyle and the page he was on included an M Class Mercedes, some huge Land Rover thing, the Porsche 4X4 and a Hummer. Not quite what I had in mind but a man can dream.

Gas... and more gas

I've been feeling a bit better and decided to check off a few things on my list on Monday. I organised a glazier to come out and give us a quote to repair a window, cut some tabletops and put an extractor fan in the bathroom. Then I called Transco to come out and check an old gaspipe in the sitting room. J and I had been getting whiffs of gas for a few days and wanted to have it tested. Well, there was a leak and the end result was that Transco had to shut off our gas until I could get an engineer out to repair it. This meant three days without heat, hot water or a stove. The fun never stops.

Luckily British Gas came out today and it's all back on again so tonight will be a festival of baths and showers and the flat will probably feel like a sauna. I'm not making any promises about cooking.

J and I decided to have curry delivered Monday night since we couldn't use the stove. (Yes, the oven and microwave still worked but... well, it was a good excuse.) The curry was delicious but J had an upset stomach the following day. I was fine and ended up heating up some of the leftovers for my dinner last night. Obviously that was a step too far because I've been suffering all day. I've been hoping that the upset stomach is a sign of early labour but I think it's probably just the curry.

My list making is in overdrive. Today I've made the following lists:

• Phone list for J to ring people after the birth
• Email list for after the birth
• List of things to do and meal ideas while Mom and Dad are here
• List of things to do before Mom and Dad get here
• Updated my hospital packing list

And then I made this list of my lists. It's a sickness.

Not much to report

My back is getting better but I'm still pretty useless when it comes to working on the flat. J has done a great job emptying boxes and taking things to the tip. It's all coming together now. We're planning for Mom and Dad's visit now and for the arrival of Cupcake. I think this weekend will be a busy one.

This week J is back at work. Brenda is coming down tomorrow to help out. I need to go to the hospital and have some blood tests in preparation for the birth next Tuesday so we'll do that tomorrow. I haven't driven since my back went out but Brenda can drive if necessary. I am feeling much better but am still quite limited on how far I can walk and what I can do. I can get out of bed and go to the loo on my own which has made a big difference to my outlook. It was quite depressing asking J to walk me to the loo every time I needed to go (probably pretty depressing for J too, especially the 3am visits).

The meds are making me a little groggy so I can only imagine how disconnected my entries must be at the moment. Hopefully all will be back to normal in a few weeks, at least as far as my backs. Then I can blame the insanity on sleep deprivation.

We're here!

We've arrived in Blackheath and it's fantastic. We absolutely love the flat. You see a place a couple of times and you think it's going to work but you never know until you get there. Luckily, this place is just wonderful. I'm glad we did the whole house-in-the-burbs thing but we are definitely more flat-in-the city types and it's great to be back.

Blackheath Village is great too. Tobes and J have walked down to the heath almost every day to kick the ball around. On Sunday morning they headed out early and I had a leisurely morning then went to meet them for breakfast. They had met another Dad on the heath with twin three year old boys and become fast friends. The other guys just happened to be meeting up with their mum in the same cafe so we all had breakfast together. In almost three years living in Chislehurst we never met anyone so easily. We all had quite a bit in common and the boys had a great time together. It felt like a very good omen.

We've also bumped into Philippa and her parents at different times, which is really nice. I think when you start bumping into people you know a place really starts to feel like home.

So, it's been a fantastic start. The only problem is that my back has gone out again so I've become quite useless as far as unpacking and arranging things. The docs say I should be better by the end of the week and the drugs I've been given certainly take the edge off. Fingers crossed that I'm back on my feet again by the weekend.

Tomorrow is the big day

We move to Blackheath tomorrow. I can't believe it's finally happening. It's funny, and this is so typical of me, but I've thought so much about getting there that I haven't really thought about leaving here. I'm going to miss this little house. In many ways it's been our first real home. I must remember to take lots of photos today before everything is dismantled tomorrow.

I'm going to miss some things about Chislehurst too. The churchyard, the ease of living so close to the High Street... and that's about it. No, I'll miss all the old folks too. Chislehurst must be a haven for retired people because we have a huge elderly community and lots of assisted living and nursing homes. I do like the old people and will miss having some sweet elderly gentleman hold the door open for me at the newsagents or some little old lady pat my pregnant belly and tell me that without a doubt I'm having a girl. I went out this morning and had three different ladies stop me and ask about the pregnancy. The younger generations just don't have as much time or inclination for chatting with strangers and I'll definitely miss that.

So, tomorrow we go. I won't have internet access until Monday at the earliest and that's if we can get organised enough to get everything set up. But I know that the library in Blackheath has internet access so I can always update there if anything exciting happens.

It's all happening here

We move in three days. I've been on the phone all day today making last minute arrangements and tomorrow I'll run around southeast London like a chicken with its head cut off sorting out the council tax, parking permits, etc, etc. Normally, these are things that could wait but with the baby coming I know I have to do them either now or next year and next year is just too far away.

So the house is coming apart at the seams. I'm trying to catch up on the laundry and eat everything in the fridge and freezer. We've cleared out the loft and the garden shed and now there are odd things sitting around like a ladder in our bedroom, painting accesories in the sitting room and a big box of stuff for the charity shop under the dining table. Just trying to keep everything organised but I know it's going to be chaos. I keep having little freak outs and crying jags which doesn't help. My hormones must be at fever pitch because I feel slightly insane all the time. Must be a joy for J to be around.

Long night

Last night didn't get much easier. J was home just after 9.00 and he helped out in the night but we're both ill too so it was hard work. Tobes was up and down all night coughing. Basically, every 3-4 hours he would wake up which is when the effects of his medicine would wear off. Then we'd dose him up again, refill the vaporiser and try to get us all back to sleep. We survived though.

This morning was even quite nice. J stayed home later because he'd been away so he and Tobes had breakfast together and I got to sleep a bit more. We all left the house at the same time because I had a doctor's appointment which was nice. Usually J is off to work at the crack of dawn so it was a treat to see him this morning. He'll have to work late tonight but he's taken the day off tomorrow and we're going to prepare for the move.

It's such an exciting time. I can barely take it all in. We've talked about living in Blackheath for well over a year AND we're going to have a new baby too. Two dreams coming true at once. It's amazing.

I feel a bit easier about coping with two children. I went onto mumsnet last night and asked how other moms coped and the consensus seems to be to lower your standards and just muddle through. I can do that! Most of the mums said to not have the same expectations regarding a clean house and to bend the rules on things like how much TV you allow your oldest child to watch. They also recommended planning ahead such as packing the diaper bag the night before and keeping a change of clothes for both children in the car at all times. Another good tip was to get the baby to fall in with the older child's routine rather than the other way around. The older child could resent changes to his or her routine but the baby won't know any differently. All very sage advice.