After 12 years in England I've finally done something I've always wanted to do - have our milk delivered. Yes, we still have milkmen in England. It's one of those lovely, old-fashioned things that I hope never changes. With the growth of the big supermarkets the milkman has taken a beating so I've deicided that it's high time we add our support to the service.
We had our first delivery this morning, two ice cold bottles of skim milk in sweet glass bottles. There were sitting on the doorstep just waiting to be collected. So good for the environment too because we just leave our empty bottles to be collected and used again. On Saturdays we're having apple juice delivered too and I've requested a catalogue to see what else we can add to the list. I can't wait to buy one of those little wire baskets to hold the bottles with a clip to attach any notes I'd like to leave for the milkman. "An extra pint on Tuesday, please.'
The sound of the milkman making his rounds would have to be in my Top Ten Sounds of England. It's right up there with the sound of the kettle boiling and the tick of the radiator on a cold morning. The deliveries are usually made around 3-4am and the milkmen do their best to be very quiet. They have electric delivery vans called milk floats (also very good for the environment). If you happen to be awake at that time you can hear the soft hum of the milk float and the gentle clink of the bottles jostling each other as they go along. Such a comforting sound and so lovely to know that your milk will be waiting for you when you wake up.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Very Lazy Sunday
Lovely, lazy Sunday here. We all got up, threw on some clothes and walked down to our new discovery - The Village Deli. It's a little coffee house/cafe/deli and just the kind of slightly shabby establishment I love. Not quite Magnolia Cafe (which is unfortunately no longer so shabby) but a decent substitute. We had a relaxed breakfast over the papers. Tobes had the 'Little Cowboy' breakfast - sausage, beans, kidneys and an English muffin. J had mushrooms and egg on a bun (plus Toby's kidneys) and I had the 'Continental' - juice, coffee, cheese, ham, some baguette and a croissant. Rosie had baby formula.
Afterwards we walked around the organic farmer's market and bought some bits and pieces for lunch - some tiny quiches, a ginger cake, some fresh strawberry and apple juice and some farmer's butter. Very excited about the butter. I don't think it will match Woolley Grange's but it's so much better than the store-bought stuff. (I don't do margarine.)
Then we came home and Tobes and J made a train out of some boxes we had from the bathroom delivery while Rosie and I sorted through her clothes. She's already out-grown all the 0-3 months stuff, is well into her 3-6 month clothes and will very soon be in the 6-9 months. Now, J is asleep on the couch, Tobes and I are stuffing ourselves with ginger cake and the old Willy Wonka with Gene Wilder is on the telly. And did I mention that it's raining? A perfect Sunday.
Just to spice things up a little, here are a couple of the pics from my 'nude' photo shoot. I was really pleased with the outcome but now that the hormones are wearing off I can't believe I did it! So glad I did, but my goodness.
AND, I don't think I've mentioned that the magazine which we're in has come out. The photo is terrible and the interview is virtually made up. We did a long interview about all kinds of things but the final product is very condensed and parts of it are completely fictional. I guess that's the way these things work. Some of it is a bit embarrassing but, again, I blame the post-pregnancy hormones. If you're interested it's the March issue of Eve magazine, the article entitled 'Are You in the Same Marriage' and that's my hand on page 53 holding the tacky red knickers.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
When did life get like this?
For some reason after our lovely holiday I had scheduled a number of tiresome chores. On Thursday I had to take the car to the garage for some repairs and pick up a courtesy car. That doesn't sound so bad, but trying to move two carseats, two strollers, etc from one car to another while managing both children on my own was not fun.
On Friday I had the alarm company scheduled to come and install the new alarm system. Rosie has started teething and, after a rough night, I woke up on Friday morning with a cranky baby and an upset stomach. I was desperate for the loo but Rosie was screaming the house down so I gave her her bottle. By then it was 8.30. Tobes was at nursery and Rosie was fat and happy so I was just heading for the loo, magazine in hand, when the workmen rang the bell. Damn.
I'm one of those people who hates going to the loo in other people's homes or when people might be able to actually hear me using the bathroom. Silly, I know, but it just makes me uncomfortable. Our bathroom opens off of the little hallway which is exactly where they were installing the new alarm box so I decided to hold it. What seemed like hours and hours and HOURS later they moved into Toby's room to install some gizmo there and I saw an opportunity. Rosie was peaceful in her bouncy chair so I quickly ran to the loo planning to do the fastest poo of my life.
It was a nightmare. I could hear the guys coming to get some tools from the hallway and I felt so embarrassed that they would know that I was doing something as heinous as moving my bowels that I grabbed my electric toothbrush and turned it on. There. Now they'll think I'm just in here brushing my teeth.
So there I was, poised on the toilet. One hand holding a vibrating toothbrush, the other twisted around and ready to flush at the crucial moment so that no repulsive sounds would be heard. I had just reached the point of no return when simultaneously the doorbell went and Rosie started crying. I could hear one of the workmen saying, 'Mrs Futers? Mrs Futers?' I wanted to die.
When I finally emerged and went back into the living room I saw a pile of post on the sofa. Ah, must've been the postman at the door. A bit later one of the workmen popped his head in and said 'The postman rang and I didn't know where you were so I just put the post here for you.' So polite, so English. The flat is hardly the Taj Mahal. I'm sure he knew very well where I was - off doing a poo. Thank goodness he was so polite. I think my head might've exploded if he had actually alluded to my whereabouts. I'm a weirdo. I know.
On Friday I had the alarm company scheduled to come and install the new alarm system. Rosie has started teething and, after a rough night, I woke up on Friday morning with a cranky baby and an upset stomach. I was desperate for the loo but Rosie was screaming the house down so I gave her her bottle. By then it was 8.30. Tobes was at nursery and Rosie was fat and happy so I was just heading for the loo, magazine in hand, when the workmen rang the bell. Damn.
I'm one of those people who hates going to the loo in other people's homes or when people might be able to actually hear me using the bathroom. Silly, I know, but it just makes me uncomfortable. Our bathroom opens off of the little hallway which is exactly where they were installing the new alarm box so I decided to hold it. What seemed like hours and hours and HOURS later they moved into Toby's room to install some gizmo there and I saw an opportunity. Rosie was peaceful in her bouncy chair so I quickly ran to the loo planning to do the fastest poo of my life.
It was a nightmare. I could hear the guys coming to get some tools from the hallway and I felt so embarrassed that they would know that I was doing something as heinous as moving my bowels that I grabbed my electric toothbrush and turned it on. There. Now they'll think I'm just in here brushing my teeth.
So there I was, poised on the toilet. One hand holding a vibrating toothbrush, the other twisted around and ready to flush at the crucial moment so that no repulsive sounds would be heard. I had just reached the point of no return when simultaneously the doorbell went and Rosie started crying. I could hear one of the workmen saying, 'Mrs Futers? Mrs Futers?' I wanted to die.
When I finally emerged and went back into the living room I saw a pile of post on the sofa. Ah, must've been the postman at the door. A bit later one of the workmen popped his head in and said 'The postman rang and I didn't know where you were so I just put the post here for you.' So polite, so English. The flat is hardly the Taj Mahal. I'm sure he knew very well where I was - off doing a poo. Thank goodness he was so polite. I think my head might've exploded if he had actually alluded to my whereabouts. I'm a weirdo. I know.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Woolley Grange
Had the most wonderful time at Woolley Grange. The trip didn't start out terribly well when Rosie threw up all over both of us in McDonald's where we'd stopped for breakfast. We both had to change clothes so we turned up at this fancy hotel with a bunch of dirty laundry shoved into a huge McDonald's bag. Such a good look.
It did get better though and then I realised that I had packed the wrong bottles which meant that J had to make an emergency trip into Bath to buy the right kind. After that it got better and stayed better.
The hotel was amazing. It's set up as a 'luxury family hotel' and it's in a 17th century Jacobean mansion. It was so beautiful. They had what they called the Woolley Bear's Den which was an OFSTED registered playgroup. We could go there with Tobes or leave him to play while we had some quiet time. They even served the children's meals in the Den which was great. Toby loved being with the other children and the nannies were fantastic. They had a big trampoline which was a lot of fun. And yes, I had a go too and I'll have you know that I can still do a decent toe-touch. I could barely walk afterwards but it was worth it to see the look on Toby's face. 'Mommy, you're just like Sportacus!'
The food was amazing. My diet not only flew out the window, it whipped out at about Mach 4. I'm sure I heard the sonic boom when I took my first bite of seared scallops and saffron risotto. And the desserts! They did a pain perdu with creme anglaise and blueberry sauce for which I would've sold both of the children. No, not really. Well. Maybe one of them.
The attention to detail was really charming. There were bathrobes for me and J and a tiny one for Tobes. When they cleaned the room everyday they refilled the cookie jar in the room with different kinds of homemade cookies. As much as possible all of the food was organically grown and locally produced. Little things, like the butter, was just gorgeous. I don't usually eat bread and butter but theirs was so good that I had it at every meal. They made their own jam and marmalade too. It was an incredible place. We're already talking about when we can go back.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Pompeii - the day after
Having the bathroom done this week and, as always, it's turned up a few surprises. When the mosaic tiles were being removed the whole wall started coming away. The Victorian method of using wooden battens just didn't stand the test of time so it all had to come down and be redone. All of this work has meant that the flat is covered in a thick layer of white dust. Thankfully, Karen came yesterday and removed the top layer or two but I think we'll be finding white dust in odd places until the day we move.
And that's before they've even started on the kitchen. We're off to Woolley Grange for a few days next week and while we're away they're going to start removing the old kitchen tiles and the old ceramic floor. Apparently that's an even messier job. Oh joy. I know I'll love the end result but it's a painful process.
Still loving London. Tobes had school this morning so Rosie and went into the village for coffee. Our favourite place is a little Costa Coffee with a basement and tiny courtyard you can sit in during the warmer months. When we got there we saw a double stroller parked upstairs with a sleeping little boy in one side of it. He slept peacefully for about twenty minutes, woke up and looked around then sat quite happily until his mother came upstairs to get him. She had been downstairs having coffee with friends. Now, this is not something that I would feel comfortable doing but it is nice to know that people feel safe doing such a thing.
While sipping my cappucino I listened to two men intelligently discussing the mess caused by those cartoons of Mohammed and to two older ladies ordering coffee. The ladies were in their 80s at least and one of them had obviously been to Costa before because she was explaining the difference between a macchiato and a ristretto while her friend kept saying 'I just want a milky coffee!'.
We picked Tobes up from school and stopped off at the butcher's on the walk home. I love this butcher. I was a vegetarian for years but now that I'm eating meat I eat it unflinchingly. Why should I eat a steak but not a cow's tongue? If I'm going to eat an animal I might as well eat the whole thing. This butcher has big pieces of meat hanging in the shop, many still identifiable. Today it was pigs, their insides cleaned out except for the kidneys. Why were the kidneys left inside? I have no idea but it was like some kind of modern work of art to see them all hanging from the ceiling. The shop is amazing at Christmas with turkeys, heads and feathers intact, hanging from every available surface. And when it's pheasant season it's even more striking. Amazing place.
And that's before they've even started on the kitchen. We're off to Woolley Grange for a few days next week and while we're away they're going to start removing the old kitchen tiles and the old ceramic floor. Apparently that's an even messier job. Oh joy. I know I'll love the end result but it's a painful process.
Still loving London. Tobes had school this morning so Rosie and went into the village for coffee. Our favourite place is a little Costa Coffee with a basement and tiny courtyard you can sit in during the warmer months. When we got there we saw a double stroller parked upstairs with a sleeping little boy in one side of it. He slept peacefully for about twenty minutes, woke up and looked around then sat quite happily until his mother came upstairs to get him. She had been downstairs having coffee with friends. Now, this is not something that I would feel comfortable doing but it is nice to know that people feel safe doing such a thing.
While sipping my cappucino I listened to two men intelligently discussing the mess caused by those cartoons of Mohammed and to two older ladies ordering coffee. The ladies were in their 80s at least and one of them had obviously been to Costa before because she was explaining the difference between a macchiato and a ristretto while her friend kept saying 'I just want a milky coffee!'.
We picked Tobes up from school and stopped off at the butcher's on the walk home. I love this butcher. I was a vegetarian for years but now that I'm eating meat I eat it unflinchingly. Why should I eat a steak but not a cow's tongue? If I'm going to eat an animal I might as well eat the whole thing. This butcher has big pieces of meat hanging in the shop, many still identifiable. Today it was pigs, their insides cleaned out except for the kidneys. Why were the kidneys left inside? I have no idea but it was like some kind of modern work of art to see them all hanging from the ceiling. The shop is amazing at Christmas with turkeys, heads and feathers intact, hanging from every available surface. And when it's pheasant season it's even more striking. Amazing place.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Some recent pics
Mostly of the kiddos. In the first pic Rosie's T-shirt says ' The new Britney', it's one of my favourites. There's a couple from our day out to the Natural History Museum and just some of Tobes and Rosie. Doesn't she have a funny little face? Like a tiny adult.
Monday, January 30, 2006
London Calling
I seem to have four loves in my life at the moment - Jason, Toby, Rosie... and London. I'm so glad to be back in London and we've been making the most of being here. We've been to the Science and Natural History Museums in the last month and they're both amazing. Toby had a brilliant time and all the national museums are free so it's easy to just pop in and go whenever we like.
On Saturday Jenny and I parted at the Oxford Street tube station. She was on her way to Kings Cross to catch a train back to Cambridge. Even though my feet were killing me I decided to walk from Piccadilly Circus to Charing Cross. It's a lovely walk. I went past Eros where people go to propose or profess their undying love, up through Leicester Square where I saw a punk rocker with a mohawk and a safety pin in his ear get out of a hot pink limo and down past Trafalgar Square which is even more spectacular since it's been pedestrianised. As my train pulled out of Charing Cross I had a spectacular view of Big Ben in twilight as the sun was setting. Such a beautiful city. I can't imagine ever getting tired of London.
On Sunday we met up with Elizabeth, Andrew and Mary Catherine in Greenwich for coffee. We took the children to look at the Cutty Sark and ended up having lunch at Goddard's Pie House. It's one of, if not the oldest pie shop in London. They do a variety of meat pies with mashed potato and we all stuffed ourselves. J and I even tried the jellied eels, a real Cockney delicacy. (Note to self: never, EVER try jellied eels again.) J and Andrew went for a traditional apple crumble for dessert but Elizabeth and I couldn't resist the cherry pie. It reminded me of a Hostess Fruit Pie, not exactly haute cuisine, but still really, really yummy. On a freezing day in London it was just what we needed.
On Saturday Jenny and I parted at the Oxford Street tube station. She was on her way to Kings Cross to catch a train back to Cambridge. Even though my feet were killing me I decided to walk from Piccadilly Circus to Charing Cross. It's a lovely walk. I went past Eros where people go to propose or profess their undying love, up through Leicester Square where I saw a punk rocker with a mohawk and a safety pin in his ear get out of a hot pink limo and down past Trafalgar Square which is even more spectacular since it's been pedestrianised. As my train pulled out of Charing Cross I had a spectacular view of Big Ben in twilight as the sun was setting. Such a beautiful city. I can't imagine ever getting tired of London.
On Sunday we met up with Elizabeth, Andrew and Mary Catherine in Greenwich for coffee. We took the children to look at the Cutty Sark and ended up having lunch at Goddard's Pie House. It's one of, if not the oldest pie shop in London. They do a variety of meat pies with mashed potato and we all stuffed ourselves. J and I even tried the jellied eels, a real Cockney delicacy. (Note to self: never, EVER try jellied eels again.) J and Andrew went for a traditional apple crumble for dessert but Elizabeth and I couldn't resist the cherry pie. It reminded me of a Hostess Fruit Pie, not exactly haute cuisine, but still really, really yummy. On a freezing day in London it was just what we needed.
Good lord
Further evidence of my insanity, as if it was needed - I misspelled my brother's name in the blog! Dad just pointed it out and I had to look up the entry to see for myself. My God. Dad is 'John' and my brother is 'Jon'. You'd think that after 30 years I would've got that down.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Lovely day
Had a really nice day out with Jenny today. The Ritz was gorgeous and tea was very nice, though I think you're really paying for the atmosphere. I've had better teas but it was still very good and I would sell my soul for a vat of their clotted cream.
Afterwards we went to Rigby & Peller. What a revelation! Ever since Tobes was born I've been wearing a 38B size bra. I'm actually a 36D!! What a surprise. I couldn't believe it. It was so fantastic. They take you to a changing room then the fitting lady asks you to strip to the waist and she looks at you, calculates your size then asks you questions about what you'd like. I explained that I had recently had a baby and needed some everyday bras. She then remarked that I'm very high-waisted and said that most underwires would be uncomfortable because they would rub my underarms. Amazing! That's exactly why I've been living in support vests for years. Most bras are just too uncomfortable.
The fitting lady then went off and chose some bras for me and brought them back for me to try. She adjusted the straps and even adjusted my breasts in each cup. It was all done so matter-of-factly that it didn't seem strange at all. I explained that I had had a breast lump removed years ago and since then my breasts have been a bit 'uneven', shall we say. She showed me how to adjust the straps to compensate. It was a life changing moment.
Needless to say, I spent more money on underwear today than I've spent in my life. I got some beautiful bras and one bra and knicker set in particular that is just dreamy. Totally impractical, can't even go in the washing machine, but soooo beautiful. Every girl needs at least one set of really beautiful under garments and it's been far too long since I indulged in this luxury. I don't think it'll be quite so long before I do it again though.
Afterwards we went to Rigby & Peller. What a revelation! Ever since Tobes was born I've been wearing a 38B size bra. I'm actually a 36D!! What a surprise. I couldn't believe it. It was so fantastic. They take you to a changing room then the fitting lady asks you to strip to the waist and she looks at you, calculates your size then asks you questions about what you'd like. I explained that I had recently had a baby and needed some everyday bras. She then remarked that I'm very high-waisted and said that most underwires would be uncomfortable because they would rub my underarms. Amazing! That's exactly why I've been living in support vests for years. Most bras are just too uncomfortable.
The fitting lady then went off and chose some bras for me and brought them back for me to try. She adjusted the straps and even adjusted my breasts in each cup. It was all done so matter-of-factly that it didn't seem strange at all. I explained that I had had a breast lump removed years ago and since then my breasts have been a bit 'uneven', shall we say. She showed me how to adjust the straps to compensate. It was a life changing moment.
Needless to say, I spent more money on underwear today than I've spent in my life. I got some beautiful bras and one bra and knicker set in particular that is just dreamy. Totally impractical, can't even go in the washing machine, but soooo beautiful. Every girl needs at least one set of really beautiful under garments and it's been far too long since I indulged in this luxury. I don't think it'll be quite so long before I do it again though.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Special day tomorrow
Jenny is coming down from Cambridge and we're going to the Ritz for tea to belatedly celebrate my birthday. We're doing it late because it's so hard to get a reservation. I can't wait. It's something I've wanted to do for ages and I'm sure it will be memorable. We're having tea in the Palm Court which is beautiful.
Afterwards we're going to Rigby & Peller because I really need some new bras. Rigby & Peller are reknowned in England for being the best place to buy lingerie (I believe the Queen shops there, though that's not exactly a great endorsement for lingerie). The staff are specially trained to choose your bra size just by looking at you. Then they make recommendations based on not just the size, but also the shape of your breasts. Should be interesting since my breasts are like spaniel's ears since Rosie was born and I gave up breastfeeding.
And speaking of shapes, I tried on about half a dozen lovely outfits that have been hanging in my closet just waiting for an outing. Unfortunately, I seem to be the shape of a lumpy potato at the moment. Still waiting for the diet and pilates to kick in.
And in other news... we've had carpenters in this week putting in bookshelves and making a mess. Next week the bathroom gets done and in March the kitchen is ripped out and replaced. All exciting though exhausting stuff.
AND, Tobes is still gorgeous and Rosie is blooming. She had her portrait taken today and is obviously a supermodel in the making. Big, gummy smiles the whole time.
Afterwards we're going to Rigby & Peller because I really need some new bras. Rigby & Peller are reknowned in England for being the best place to buy lingerie (I believe the Queen shops there, though that's not exactly a great endorsement for lingerie). The staff are specially trained to choose your bra size just by looking at you. Then they make recommendations based on not just the size, but also the shape of your breasts. Should be interesting since my breasts are like spaniel's ears since Rosie was born and I gave up breastfeeding.
And speaking of shapes, I tried on about half a dozen lovely outfits that have been hanging in my closet just waiting for an outing. Unfortunately, I seem to be the shape of a lumpy potato at the moment. Still waiting for the diet and pilates to kick in.
And in other news... we've had carpenters in this week putting in bookshelves and making a mess. Next week the bathroom gets done and in March the kitchen is ripped out and replaced. All exciting though exhausting stuff.
AND, Tobes is still gorgeous and Rosie is blooming. She had her portrait taken today and is obviously a supermodel in the making. Big, gummy smiles the whole time.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Tales from the Dim Side
What a week I'm having and it's only Tuesday. Yesterday I had the kitchen guy out to start working on a design for the new kitchen. It's the same company we used in Chislehurst so it was a very comfortable visit. I did the proper English thing and made tea and we sat at the kitchen table and discussed various ideas.
The kitchen table is right next to the utility area and I usually dump the clean clothes on the table until J or I can fold them and put them away. When the kitchen guy stood up to leave something fell off of his chair. He bent over to pick it up and when he stood up he was holding a pair of J's underpants. I assured him that they were at least clean underpants but I'm sure that's one story that will be making the rounds at his office.
Yesterday afternoon I had the burglar alarm guy out to discuss modifying our system. I dutifully made the tea and we sat down to discuss the alarm. He was a very sweet guy but about halfway through our chat he started talking about his son who was killed in a car accident. It was very heavy stuff and an incredibly sad story but certainly not what I was expecting when I made the appointment. An hour and a half later the guy left and I couldn't help but give him a hug before he went. It wasn't even 4.00 but I felt completely drained from the day.
This morning was a bit hectic. J took Tobes to school and I got up, washed Rosie and got us both fed and dressed. We were meeting up with the Mumsnet group for lunch at the Tea House in Greenwich Park at 12.30. I picked Tobes up from school in the car and we stopped in the village for Rosie's Gaviscon (that's a whole story in itself), some cash and a Kinder Egg for Tobes since he slept in his own bed all night (bribery is a wonder when it comes to raising children). When we got back in the car it started shuddering and making terrible noises. I had to come straight home and call the RAC. I knew what the problem was because it had happened before and, thankfully, they were able to fix it on the spot. What a pain though and we missed the lunch.
After all the hassle with the car I wasn't in a great mood and Tobes was cranky because we didn't get to go to the park. We had lunch at home and about halfway through I started to feel ill and set my bowl of soup on the footstool before running to the loo. Tobes followed me and was asking for something but I told him I had to use the loo and he would have to wait. In a fit of temper he slammed the bathroom door and I heard him stomp off down the hall. Seconds later Tobes came running into the bathroom shouting 'I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...' Uh oh.
He had obviously walked into the living room still angry and either intentionally knocked the bowl of soup over or slammed into the footstool and knocked the soup over on accident. Whatever the cause, the result was spicy corn chowder EVERYWHERE. Poor Rosie had been in the line of fire and she had (thankfully cold) soup on her head and splattered all over her clothes. She was looking at Tobes like "What the hell were you thinking?!" There was soup on the carpet, the armchair, the footstool, splattered over the stack of magazines, everywhere. Tobes spent a lot of time alone in his room this afternoon.
AND to further illustrate my complete brain deadness (is that a word?) it wasn't on Thursday that I left the stroller in the village. It was Friday. I should also add to my list that in the last few weeks I have:
The kitchen table is right next to the utility area and I usually dump the clean clothes on the table until J or I can fold them and put them away. When the kitchen guy stood up to leave something fell off of his chair. He bent over to pick it up and when he stood up he was holding a pair of J's underpants. I assured him that they were at least clean underpants but I'm sure that's one story that will be making the rounds at his office.
Yesterday afternoon I had the burglar alarm guy out to discuss modifying our system. I dutifully made the tea and we sat down to discuss the alarm. He was a very sweet guy but about halfway through our chat he started talking about his son who was killed in a car accident. It was very heavy stuff and an incredibly sad story but certainly not what I was expecting when I made the appointment. An hour and a half later the guy left and I couldn't help but give him a hug before he went. It wasn't even 4.00 but I felt completely drained from the day.
This morning was a bit hectic. J took Tobes to school and I got up, washed Rosie and got us both fed and dressed. We were meeting up with the Mumsnet group for lunch at the Tea House in Greenwich Park at 12.30. I picked Tobes up from school in the car and we stopped in the village for Rosie's Gaviscon (that's a whole story in itself), some cash and a Kinder Egg for Tobes since he slept in his own bed all night (bribery is a wonder when it comes to raising children). When we got back in the car it started shuddering and making terrible noises. I had to come straight home and call the RAC. I knew what the problem was because it had happened before and, thankfully, they were able to fix it on the spot. What a pain though and we missed the lunch.
After all the hassle with the car I wasn't in a great mood and Tobes was cranky because we didn't get to go to the park. We had lunch at home and about halfway through I started to feel ill and set my bowl of soup on the footstool before running to the loo. Tobes followed me and was asking for something but I told him I had to use the loo and he would have to wait. In a fit of temper he slammed the bathroom door and I heard him stomp off down the hall. Seconds later Tobes came running into the bathroom shouting 'I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...' Uh oh.
He had obviously walked into the living room still angry and either intentionally knocked the bowl of soup over or slammed into the footstool and knocked the soup over on accident. Whatever the cause, the result was spicy corn chowder EVERYWHERE. Poor Rosie had been in the line of fire and she had (thankfully cold) soup on her head and splattered all over her clothes. She was looking at Tobes like "What the hell were you thinking?!" There was soup on the carpet, the armchair, the footstool, splattered over the stack of magazines, everywhere. Tobes spent a lot of time alone in his room this afternoon.
AND to further illustrate my complete brain deadness (is that a word?) it wasn't on Thursday that I left the stroller in the village. It was Friday. I should also add to my list that in the last few weeks I have:
- locked myself out of the house twice
- forgotten how to top up my mobile and forgotten where I put the instruction manual
- can't find but hopefully haven't lost my eternity ring
- did the grocery internet order and then immediately remembered half a dozen things I meant to buy
and the list goes on.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Delayed Baby Brain
On Thursday Rosie and I went to the docs for her first jabs, then went into the village for my consolatory mocha as I said in the last entry. Well, after the coffee I wrapped Rosie up, tucked her into the stroller and walked back down to where I had parked the car. I put the brake on the stroller and parked it on the sidewalk in front of the car, took Rosie out and strapped her into her carseat, put the nappy bag in the car then got in the drivers seat and drove off... do you see what I missed? I left the stroller on the sidewalk even though it was right in front of the car. AND when I went back to get it the stroller was gone. I guess that's really not so surprising since it was two days later.
I think I'm having delayed baby brain. Usually at the very end of pregnancy and right after a woman has a baby nature has a little trick up its sleeve. It makes women very absent minded, they can't remember facts (except when they pertain to baby) and they are very absent-minded (except when it comes to baby). This is nature's way of making sure the mother focusses on the baby and doesn't get distracted with less important things.
After Rosie was born I seemed remarkably sane. I juggled both children, the housework and everything else with surprising ease. Well, that's all coming back to bite me in the ass now. In the last few weeks I have:
I think I'm having delayed baby brain. Usually at the very end of pregnancy and right after a woman has a baby nature has a little trick up its sleeve. It makes women very absent minded, they can't remember facts (except when they pertain to baby) and they are very absent-minded (except when it comes to baby). This is nature's way of making sure the mother focusses on the baby and doesn't get distracted with less important things.
After Rosie was born I seemed remarkably sane. I juggled both children, the housework and everything else with surprising ease. Well, that's all coming back to bite me in the ass now. In the last few weeks I have:
- lost the stroller
- forgot to put Toby's seatbelt on him twice (luckily he reminded me as we were going down the road)
- forgot to strap Rosie into her seatbelt and drove from Cambridge to London without her strapped in (that was both J and I that forgot that one)
- drank Rosie's formula and microwaved my tea
- walked out of the house to go somewhere without my shoes on
- forgot to brush my teeth and by the afternoon wondered why my teeth felt fuzzy (more than once... many times in fact)
Friday, January 13, 2006
Bits and pieces
- Rosie had her first immunisations today. She was very brave. She cried for a few seconds then sucked on her dummy while snuffling a bit and feeling sorry for herself. I think it was harder for me than it was for her. I couldn't even buy her an ice cream to make it all better so I bought myself a large mocha instead. She was very cranky all day but has finally crashed out and I have my fingers crossed for a peaceful night.
- Tobes is doing really well at school. He's going three mornings a week now and J has been taking him in. It gives them some time together and Tobes likes to eat breakfast at school with his friends. With his new schedule he's still doing dance and French but is also doing music now. He was showing me how to do the Hokey Cokey today. I pick him up before lunch and I was there a bit early today. The children were in the garden playing so I decided to look around Toby's classroom and see what they're working on. I was very impressed to see that they're learning about Big Bang Theory and the prehistoric stages of the earth. They had made a big poster representing the Big Bang using lots of glitter and the noticeboards were labeled with the various eras - Mesozoic, Cenozoic, etc - just waiting for art works to fill them. They're also planning a field trip to the Natural History Museum to visit the Earth Galleries. We really lucked into finding this school. I'm so glad we did!
- And speaking of school, I posted off Toby's primary school application this week. It's a totally different process here than in Texas. Children don't just go to the closest school. People fight for the best schools so you have to fill out a form listing four schools in preferential order and hope for the best. For anyone interested our list was - All Saints, St Margaret's of Lee, John Ball and Brindishe. All Saints is an extraordinary long shot but I thought we might as well go for it. Very small, excellent school and they have adorable uniforms (I'd love to see Tobes in a school blazer and tie). St Maragret's would be fantastic and John Ball would be OK. Brindishe is a bit far so our chances are less but it's a great school too. We find out in May. Keep your fingers crossed.
- On Wednesday I became a year older. Not sure how I feel about that. OK, I think.
- Wanna hear a secret - J and I have been looking at estate agent websites. I know, I know. We're crazy. We've just moved into this flat but we're already thinking about the next place. We've made a resolution not to move house in 2006 but we are looking at neighborhoods for the next move. When Toby gets into a school in May I'm sure that will narrow down the search as we'd like to live near his school. We saw an amazing place this week. It's an old house that's been used as offices and needs lots of loving care but it could be BEAUTIFUL. It would be a decade-long project to renovate it but it would be a 'forever house'. That's what we want next time - The Family Home. So exciting to think that we're just one more move away.... or at least I hope so. Knowing us we'll buy some lovely house and then decide to slope off to Singapore.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
The Incredible Exploding Baby
Rosie has had a cold for a couple of weeks now. It's not too bad though sleeping next to her is like sleeping with a sleestack in the room. The only minor problem is that she keeps exploding.
Because she's making so much mucous at the moment her milk doesn't go down very well when she eats, so she'll eat two ounces and spit up one. It's really bad when she eats six ounces and and spits up four. And she doesn't just spit them up, they come flying out of her with great force. I made the mistake of holding a cloth a few inches in front of her mouth while burping her today. I thought I might be able to catch the vomit and save myself some laundry but it was like putting a spoon under a tap. Regurgitated milk went everywhere.
A few days ago we all went out to lunch in a nice Italian restaurant down the road. It was J's last day of vacation and we wanted to do something special. I had to take Rosie to the loo to change her nappy and Tobes decided to tag along. As I was folding up her changing mat Rosie exploded milk all over the bathroom. She managed to throw up in both sinks and into her changing bag which was sitting on a table in between them. She also got a fair amount of vomit on the floor and herself. Tobes thought this was hilarious.
Because she had thrown up into the changing bag she actually got vomit on her clean change of clothes so I had to decide which clothes were cleaner and put together a reasonably clean outfit. As all of this was going on women were coming in and out of the loos. One older lady stopped to say "I don't miss that stage. My daughter is sixteen and so much easier than a baby now.' She then went to let J know that I would be a while. A heavily pregnant lady also stopped to chat. She was 6 weeks away from having her first baby and in that blissful hopeful stage. I tried to assure her that it wasn't always this crazy but she was already making goo-goo eyes at Rosie, vomit and all. Poor lady. I wonder how she's going to be doing about 8 weeks from now.
Unfortunately, Rosie doesn't just explode from the top end. She's been doing the most shocking poos too. Her tummy gets full of mucous and it all comes firing out into her nappy at top speed. Her nappy can't always take the strain and the excess poo either shoots up her back or, even worse, up her front. The first time it happened we were out (of course) and I had to just throw her outfit away. Even in a sealed plastic bag there was no way I could tote it around in the nappy bag until we got home. It was disgusting.
Yesterday was Rosie's piece de resistance. We had some friends over and just as they were leaving I heard the unmistakable sound of poo being fired into a nappy at breakneak speed. Rosie was in her bouncy chair and in the time it took me to walk the friends to the door and say goodbye the poo had managed to work its way up Rosie's back and leak out the side of her nappy. By the time I got back to her she was basically sitting in a sling of poo. She even had the stuff in her hair, for God's sake! I wiped her down as best I could and put her straight into a bath. The clothes, blanket and chair cover all went into a hot wash though I probably would've been better off burning them.
Hope she gets over this cold soon. I don't think the washer and dryer can take much more abuse.
Because she's making so much mucous at the moment her milk doesn't go down very well when she eats, so she'll eat two ounces and spit up one. It's really bad when she eats six ounces and and spits up four. And she doesn't just spit them up, they come flying out of her with great force. I made the mistake of holding a cloth a few inches in front of her mouth while burping her today. I thought I might be able to catch the vomit and save myself some laundry but it was like putting a spoon under a tap. Regurgitated milk went everywhere.
A few days ago we all went out to lunch in a nice Italian restaurant down the road. It was J's last day of vacation and we wanted to do something special. I had to take Rosie to the loo to change her nappy and Tobes decided to tag along. As I was folding up her changing mat Rosie exploded milk all over the bathroom. She managed to throw up in both sinks and into her changing bag which was sitting on a table in between them. She also got a fair amount of vomit on the floor and herself. Tobes thought this was hilarious.
Because she had thrown up into the changing bag she actually got vomit on her clean change of clothes so I had to decide which clothes were cleaner and put together a reasonably clean outfit. As all of this was going on women were coming in and out of the loos. One older lady stopped to say "I don't miss that stage. My daughter is sixteen and so much easier than a baby now.' She then went to let J know that I would be a while. A heavily pregnant lady also stopped to chat. She was 6 weeks away from having her first baby and in that blissful hopeful stage. I tried to assure her that it wasn't always this crazy but she was already making goo-goo eyes at Rosie, vomit and all. Poor lady. I wonder how she's going to be doing about 8 weeks from now.
Unfortunately, Rosie doesn't just explode from the top end. She's been doing the most shocking poos too. Her tummy gets full of mucous and it all comes firing out into her nappy at top speed. Her nappy can't always take the strain and the excess poo either shoots up her back or, even worse, up her front. The first time it happened we were out (of course) and I had to just throw her outfit away. Even in a sealed plastic bag there was no way I could tote it around in the nappy bag until we got home. It was disgusting.
Yesterday was Rosie's piece de resistance. We had some friends over and just as they were leaving I heard the unmistakable sound of poo being fired into a nappy at breakneak speed. Rosie was in her bouncy chair and in the time it took me to walk the friends to the door and say goodbye the poo had managed to work its way up Rosie's back and leak out the side of her nappy. By the time I got back to her she was basically sitting in a sling of poo. She even had the stuff in her hair, for God's sake! I wiped her down as best I could and put her straight into a bath. The clothes, blanket and chair cover all went into a hot wash though I probably would've been better off burning them.
Hope she gets over this cold soon. I don't think the washer and dryer can take much more abuse.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Friday, December 30, 2005
Jon & Angie
My little brother is getting married today. Unfortunately, with Rosie being so small we were unable to make the trip so I'm sitting here wondering how it's going, what everyone is doing, what I'm missing.
I was very lucky to meet his fiancee, Angie, in May when we were in Texas. She's a tiny little red-headed thing and from what I hear she's been a huge blessing to Jon and Dyllin. I so wish I could've been there to throw her a bridal shower but hopefully I can make up for it with a baby shower within a few years. They're getting married in about an hour. I wonder how they're feeling. I'd love to see my family all dressed up. It's so rare that we do these kinds of things. Nikki has promised me lots of photos and all the details. I hope it's going well.
It suddenly hit me last week that Angie won't just be Jon's wife and Dyl's stepmom, she'll be my sister-in-law and aunt to Tobes and Rosie. I've been showing Toby her photo and telling him about his new Aunt Angie. It's so exciting to have a new member of the family.
I hope they're enjoying their day.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Christmas highlights
- A few days before Christmas I was in the kitchen preparing Toby's lunch, Rosie was in her bouncy chair in the living room and Tobes was pottering about. I put his lunch on the table and went in to get Rosie to find her wide-eyed and covered head to toe in gold glitter. "TOBY!! Did you put glitter on your sister?!" "Mommy, I wanted to make her sparkly." Rosie sparkled for days afterward because getting the glitter out of the fuzz on her head was virtually impossible.
- A few days later and Tobes is refusing to eat his lunch. "I'm going to save my lunch for Santa." "Toby, I don't think Santa wants your lunch. Mrs Claus will make Santa's lunch for him." "But Mommy, he's very fat. He needs to eat a lot so he can eat my lunch too."
- On Christmas Eve Rosie laughs for the first time when Elizabeth says in a silly Southern accent "Pass the hairspray, Rosie Rae." That little detail will definitely be going into the baby book.
- 3.15am on Christmas morning. "MOMMY! DADDY! SANTA"S BEEN HERE!! GET UP!" Yes, we got up.
- 6.00am the day after Christmas. "Has Santa been here again??"
- The day after Christmas and Tobes is not eating his lunch again (do you see a theme here?). I try to encourage him to eat and he gets a sly look and says "Santa's not watching me now. I can be naughty again." Oh dear.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Another quick update
The days are so full right now. Quick updates are about all I can manage. I've got a bunch of photos I want to add to the blog too including one of Rosie's rare smiles. Actually, she's smiling a lot more now and is becoming a real Daddy's girl. When J starts talking to her she lights up and she gives her biggest and best smiles to him. It's so lovely to see that stern little face break into a big cheesy grin... and Rosie's smiles are pretty cute too.
J and I did our supermodel bit on Saturday and had a great time. They did my hair really curly which was fun but reminded me of my bouffant highschool hair. Everyone at the shoot was so nice. I was nervous that they would all be supercool and pity us for being so old and parental. In fact, the opposite was true. It was like stumbling into a Bridget Jones movie. I finally understand the true meaning of Smug Marrieds and it was very strange being one of them for the day.
As J and I were getting ready to leave I overheard them discussing whose hands to use for the next shoot. I volunteered my services and, since I had 'fewer bones' in my hands than the others, they accepted! So I did a bit of hand modelling too. I had to hold various bits of tacky lingerie over a garbage bin. Very glamourous.
AND now I'm doing an article in a pregnancy magazine! I'm being interviewed about my pregnancy witn Rosie and I'll be doing another shoot. I'm going to have to start charging for my services. Cindy Crawford watch out.
Now we're building up to Christmas. I've been spending far too much on presents for the kiddos and J and I are treating ourselves a bit too. I bought some lovely boots today that remind me of the episode of Friends where Monica buys the boots. Hopefully these won't make my feet bleed like hers did but I feel just as excited about them.
Toby has his school Christmas party tomorrow. They've got Father Christmas coming to see the children and Tobes is really excited. On Christmas Eve we're meeting up with the lovely Mary Catherine and her parents at Canary Wharf for morning coffee. In the evening we're going to the Christmas Eve procession here in Blackheath. They have Mary, Joseph and the donkey walk through the village. The procession ends at All Saints church on the heath where everyone sings carols. Christmas day is just the four of us here at home and I do the whole turkey, sprouts and parsnips lunch. On Boxing Day we're going up to see J's family and see Jenny & Kieran. The day after Boxing Day we're planning to do a walk for charity through Greenwich Park but we may stay in Cambridge instead. We'll just play it by ear.
And I think that's all for now. Time for bed.
J and I did our supermodel bit on Saturday and had a great time. They did my hair really curly which was fun but reminded me of my bouffant highschool hair. Everyone at the shoot was so nice. I was nervous that they would all be supercool and pity us for being so old and parental. In fact, the opposite was true. It was like stumbling into a Bridget Jones movie. I finally understand the true meaning of Smug Marrieds and it was very strange being one of them for the day.
As J and I were getting ready to leave I overheard them discussing whose hands to use for the next shoot. I volunteered my services and, since I had 'fewer bones' in my hands than the others, they accepted! So I did a bit of hand modelling too. I had to hold various bits of tacky lingerie over a garbage bin. Very glamourous.
AND now I'm doing an article in a pregnancy magazine! I'm being interviewed about my pregnancy witn Rosie and I'll be doing another shoot. I'm going to have to start charging for my services. Cindy Crawford watch out.
Now we're building up to Christmas. I've been spending far too much on presents for the kiddos and J and I are treating ourselves a bit too. I bought some lovely boots today that remind me of the episode of Friends where Monica buys the boots. Hopefully these won't make my feet bleed like hers did but I feel just as excited about them.
Toby has his school Christmas party tomorrow. They've got Father Christmas coming to see the children and Tobes is really excited. On Christmas Eve we're meeting up with the lovely Mary Catherine and her parents at Canary Wharf for morning coffee. In the evening we're going to the Christmas Eve procession here in Blackheath. They have Mary, Joseph and the donkey walk through the village. The procession ends at All Saints church on the heath where everyone sings carols. Christmas day is just the four of us here at home and I do the whole turkey, sprouts and parsnips lunch. On Boxing Day we're going up to see J's family and see Jenny & Kieran. The day after Boxing Day we're planning to do a walk for charity through Greenwich Park but we may stay in Cambridge instead. We'll just play it by ear.
And I think that's all for now. Time for bed.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Quick update
Well, still ill. We all trouped down to the doctors today and are now all on antibiotics. Hopefully this will finally get us over being sick. Poor little Rosie, she's six weeks old tomorrow and has spent five weeks ill. She hasn't had any fever but is a snotty little thing. The doc said she had some fluid on her lungs too but that it was nothing to worry about and the antibiotics would clear it right up. J and I have bronchitis and Tobes has a chest infection. So exhausting.
In more exciting news, J and I are being featured in a British magazine! I'm going to wait and see how it turns out before I broadcast the details but it's a glossy monthly women's magazine and the article is about lasting love (ah bless). We answered various questions and a specialist gave her feedback on our relationship. It was actually all very positive but some of the questions were about s-e-x so we want to see exactly what makes it into the article before we tell everyone to go and look for it. We've got the photo shoot on Friday and I spoke to the magazine's art director today and gave her our clothing sizes. They're doing hair, make-up, styling, the whole bit. Lord knows what we're going to look like. I still feel like a heffalump after the pregnancy but I'm hoping they can work their magic and make me look svelte.
Last Friday Tobes had his nativity play at school. Toby was in the Male Choir and wore red trousers, a white shirt and a Santa hat. He did very well though about halfway through the production he stood on stage, looked at us out in the audience and said very loudly 'I'm tired!' He had had a big morning. Of course, I made a complete idiot of myself and cried my way through a stack of tissues. It was just so amazing to be watching my little boy in a school play while my little girl slept in her Daddy's arms next to me. In that moment all my dreams had come true. So, so happy right now.
In more exciting news, J and I are being featured in a British magazine! I'm going to wait and see how it turns out before I broadcast the details but it's a glossy monthly women's magazine and the article is about lasting love (ah bless). We answered various questions and a specialist gave her feedback on our relationship. It was actually all very positive but some of the questions were about s-e-x so we want to see exactly what makes it into the article before we tell everyone to go and look for it. We've got the photo shoot on Friday and I spoke to the magazine's art director today and gave her our clothing sizes. They're doing hair, make-up, styling, the whole bit. Lord knows what we're going to look like. I still feel like a heffalump after the pregnancy but I'm hoping they can work their magic and make me look svelte.
Last Friday Tobes had his nativity play at school. Toby was in the Male Choir and wore red trousers, a white shirt and a Santa hat. He did very well though about halfway through the production he stood on stage, looked at us out in the audience and said very loudly 'I'm tired!' He had had a big morning. Of course, I made a complete idiot of myself and cried my way through a stack of tissues. It was just so amazing to be watching my little boy in a school play while my little girl slept in her Daddy's arms next to me. In that moment all my dreams had come true. So, so happy right now.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Navel gazing
Three things have happened in the last week that have made me stop and think.
The first one was last week as I was finishing French Women Don't Get Fat (thinking about losing the baby weight). At the end of the book the author talks about life stages and breaks them down into age groups that include 17-34 and 35-55. It suddenly hit me that in about six weeks I'll be moving into the latter category. When I read that section it struck terror into my heart. It's all about metabolism slowing down, loss of bone density and even discusses menopause! Good heavens.
Then on Friday Toby's school hired a little theatre company to come and do Puss in Boots for the children. I went to pick Tobes up just as the actors were loading the van. Tobes was a bit starstruck so we stopped to chat and tell them how much Toby had enjoyed the show. The group was made up of about half a dozen guys and girls in their early twenties. As Tobes and I were walking home with Rosie in the stroller I realised something that really frightened me - to those fresh young people I was virtually invisible. I was a Mother and I wasn't 'young'. If they had been forced to call me by name they would've called me Mrs Futers. The girls could not imagine being friends with me and the boys, god forbid, could not imagine sleeping with me.
Now, I'm not hankering for my youth but this was the first time that I felt older than other people who would be considered adults themselves. It's one thing to feel the differences between yourself and a group of grotty teenagers, quite another to feel so far from something that still seems so close.
Then yesterday, another disconcerting experience. I finally got around to taking the bottle of champagne that's been knocking around the trunk of our car for weeks to our estate agent. It's a thank you present for all of her hard work with the buying of the flat. The agent is named Miranda . She's in her mid-late twenties and in the raging insanity of pregnancy I was convinced that J was either having an affair with her or hoping to. Now, I didn't really think that J was having an affair but I did, and still do, think that if he was going to have an affair the person would be someone like Miranda.
She's very London. Very well-dressed but not uptight. Quite pretty and very well groomed. Business-like to the point of being curt at times but can turn on the charm when necessary. If I'm being honest, she reminds me of myself at the same age... or at least my hopeful perception of myself at that age. Yesterday I was much more struck by our differences. Miranda had her hair highlighted since the last time I saw her and it had obviously been blow-dried that morning because it looked soft and smooth. This was in stark contrast to my own hair. I too had washed my hair that morning but had then quickly shoved it into a ponytail while it was still wet so that I could wipe Toby's bottom and get Rosie her bottle. As I stood in the real estate office in Miranda's glow I suddenly realised that I hadn't even looked in the mirror before leaving the house. Ugh. I had at least remembered to brush my teeth. Yay.
Miranda asked how we were doing and I said that we were fine but that we all had this awful cold that's been going around. She replied that she had it too and wasn't it dreadful. Again, the differences stood out in stark relief. She was poised, groomed and had her make up on. I, on the other hand, knew from experience that my face would be bright red from the cold and I could actually see the dry flakes on the end of my nose from blowing it constantly and I knew that I looked as knackered as I felt. Add to this picture Miranda's chic little skirt and my sweatpants with dirty hems because they're too long without the bump to hold them up and you can understand my discomfort.
As I stood talking to her, trying to maintain my composure while I became increasingly concerned as each difference made itself obvious to me, I saw Rosie spit up out of the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped the sick off her mouth and the snot from her nose before saying goodbye. I awkwardly backed the stroller out of the office door, laden like a packhorse with the nappy bag and my bulging handbag. As I waved goodbye I noticed Miranda pick up a tiny elegant handbag and virtually glide into the next office. Ugh again.
Now what does all of this mean? Do I want to be twenty again? No. Do I want to be Miranda? Absolutely not. Do I have a new position and identity to which I need to adjust? Definitely. Being 31 with one child is a far cry from being 35 with two children. It's getting serious now. I may just have to grow up.
Hopefully not too much though.
The first one was last week as I was finishing French Women Don't Get Fat (thinking about losing the baby weight). At the end of the book the author talks about life stages and breaks them down into age groups that include 17-34 and 35-55. It suddenly hit me that in about six weeks I'll be moving into the latter category. When I read that section it struck terror into my heart. It's all about metabolism slowing down, loss of bone density and even discusses menopause! Good heavens.
Then on Friday Toby's school hired a little theatre company to come and do Puss in Boots for the children. I went to pick Tobes up just as the actors were loading the van. Tobes was a bit starstruck so we stopped to chat and tell them how much Toby had enjoyed the show. The group was made up of about half a dozen guys and girls in their early twenties. As Tobes and I were walking home with Rosie in the stroller I realised something that really frightened me - to those fresh young people I was virtually invisible. I was a Mother and I wasn't 'young'. If they had been forced to call me by name they would've called me Mrs Futers. The girls could not imagine being friends with me and the boys, god forbid, could not imagine sleeping with me.
Now, I'm not hankering for my youth but this was the first time that I felt older than other people who would be considered adults themselves. It's one thing to feel the differences between yourself and a group of grotty teenagers, quite another to feel so far from something that still seems so close.
Then yesterday, another disconcerting experience. I finally got around to taking the bottle of champagne that's been knocking around the trunk of our car for weeks to our estate agent. It's a thank you present for all of her hard work with the buying of the flat. The agent is named Miranda . She's in her mid-late twenties and in the raging insanity of pregnancy I was convinced that J was either having an affair with her or hoping to. Now, I didn't really think that J was having an affair but I did, and still do, think that if he was going to have an affair the person would be someone like Miranda.
She's very London. Very well-dressed but not uptight. Quite pretty and very well groomed. Business-like to the point of being curt at times but can turn on the charm when necessary. If I'm being honest, she reminds me of myself at the same age... or at least my hopeful perception of myself at that age. Yesterday I was much more struck by our differences. Miranda had her hair highlighted since the last time I saw her and it had obviously been blow-dried that morning because it looked soft and smooth. This was in stark contrast to my own hair. I too had washed my hair that morning but had then quickly shoved it into a ponytail while it was still wet so that I could wipe Toby's bottom and get Rosie her bottle. As I stood in the real estate office in Miranda's glow I suddenly realised that I hadn't even looked in the mirror before leaving the house. Ugh. I had at least remembered to brush my teeth. Yay.
Miranda asked how we were doing and I said that we were fine but that we all had this awful cold that's been going around. She replied that she had it too and wasn't it dreadful. Again, the differences stood out in stark relief. She was poised, groomed and had her make up on. I, on the other hand, knew from experience that my face would be bright red from the cold and I could actually see the dry flakes on the end of my nose from blowing it constantly and I knew that I looked as knackered as I felt. Add to this picture Miranda's chic little skirt and my sweatpants with dirty hems because they're too long without the bump to hold them up and you can understand my discomfort.
As I stood talking to her, trying to maintain my composure while I became increasingly concerned as each difference made itself obvious to me, I saw Rosie spit up out of the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped the sick off her mouth and the snot from her nose before saying goodbye. I awkwardly backed the stroller out of the office door, laden like a packhorse with the nappy bag and my bulging handbag. As I waved goodbye I noticed Miranda pick up a tiny elegant handbag and virtually glide into the next office. Ugh again.
Now what does all of this mean? Do I want to be twenty again? No. Do I want to be Miranda? Absolutely not. Do I have a new position and identity to which I need to adjust? Definitely. Being 31 with one child is a far cry from being 35 with two children. It's getting serious now. I may just have to grow up.
Hopefully not too much though.
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