You've ever wondered what sex would be like with any of the following: Sportacus, Miss Hoollie, that Welsh guy on Doodle Do, the pink Power Ranger or any of the Wiggles.
You know at least three of the following: the name of Marv's dog, the names of all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the sale seasons at Gap/Next, your doctor's emergency number by heart, the time it takes to get from your home to the local A&E, the relative merits of all the schools within a five mile radius of your home, how best to get the smell of vomit out of a rug.
You have done at least three of the following:
- massaged a child's anus because they're constipated
- sucked snot out of a child's nose
- arranged food on a plate to look like a face/space ship/the Taj Mahal
- removed a pea or kernel of corn from a nostril or ear
- made a costume out of a pillowcase
- baked cookies or cupcakes past midnight
- changed a nappy with your coat on
- eaten fishsticks for dinner over the age of 30
- hidden pureed vegetables in a pasta sauce
- applauded for a poo
- realised that the cool new song you've been bopping to in your head all day is actually the theme tune to a children's programme
These are from my own personal experience but I'm sure you can think of lots more!
2 comments:
I think I'm definitely, exhaustedly, a parent!
Ps - I think Sizzles is a great name for a dog and I've often wondered how Sportacus would be in the sack. Sadly, I'm serious!
Oh yes, I've had a crush on Sportacus for ages. Have you ever seen the actor without his costume? Very nice though I do miss the mustache. K
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