Getting older truly sucks

It's been a fraught morning. I spent it in the Breast Surgery Clinic at Guy's Hospital. A few weeks ago I found a lump. Even now, when I know that everything is OK, I feel slightly queasy at the thought of what it might've meant. I told Jason as soon as I found the lump and made a doctor's appointment. I was lucky to get an appointment with the really good doctor at our practice and she referred me to the specialists at Guy's.

This morning I headed off to the appointment. I think it was harder because I had to go alone. J took the morning off and stayed home with the children. I knew that having them there would make me nervous and we just don't have anyone I could leave both children with. So I had to be brave. Of course, I barely slept last night and even woke Jason up at 2am to go check that no one had broken in downstairs. You could say that I was a bit jumpy.

I got to the clinic early armed with a mocha Frappucino and the new Vanity Fair. There were a lot of older ladies in the waiting room and one girl who looked to be in her late twenties who was there with her mother. Her mom had her arm around her and the girl was crying. I heard her say "I know it's come back." At that point I was glad that I was alone because if Jason had been there I think I would've started crying too.

I saw the nurse and then the doctor and they agreed that there was some lumpiness in my right breast and sent me off across the hall for an ultrasound. The result is that I have slightly lumpy breasts due to age and changes in my hormones as I get older. Nothing sinister, just normal ageing.

I was very relieved and stopped off for a bagel and some baklava on the way home. On the train I thought about the girl crying in the waiting room and wondered what her diagnosis was today. I'll take my lumpy old boobs any day over what she's going through.