Freaking out

Went to Blackheath today to visit the preschool. It's one of the highest ranking preschools in Blackheath so I was very excited that Tobes had a place there. I was so disappointed when I saw it. The facilities were dark and drab. The toys were all jumbled up and looked dirty. The children seemed to be having a good time and the staff were nice enough but my overall impression was not a good one. I'm gutted.

We ended up trudging all over Blackheath seeing if there were any places available at various schools. No, no and no. I could just weep. I think this was the last straw for me and I just came home and cried.

I feel like I have so many things to think/worry about at the moment that I can't deal with any of them properly. Things that are on my mind right now:

1. Toby's heart - what, if anything, is wrong with his heart and what's going to happen to my baby boy

2. Moving house - organising the movers, finding a place to live, finding Tobes a school, worried about renting again, dreading the unpacking

3. The little matter of my pregnancy - trying to take care of myself, trying to book the C-section so my parents can book their holiday time and be here for the birth, trying to rest when I can, trying to book antenatal classes to meet other Moms, trying to book antenatal yoga to help deal with stress and hopefully recover faster from the birth so that I can deal with everything else

4. Trying to maintain our current life - laundry, groceries, meals, the care/feeding/entertaining of Tobes, and trying to squeeze out some couple time with J

5. The fact that my friends and day-to-day support network are all moving away and I need to meet some other Moms soon or I'm going to be one lonely cow come October

I think 'overwhelmed' is the word I'm looking for here. To top it all off, I was sitting in Blackheath today and started wondering if it really is the place for us. Good God.