Today

Toby and I got up, had breakfast and headed off for an appointment at the hospital. This time it was for Toby. My brother has a congenital heart defect, a mitral valve prolapse, and Toby had an appointment for an echocardiogram just to make sure that he hasn't inherited the problem. It tends to run in families.

Tobes was a trouper. He was weighed, had his height checked and his blood pressure taken. You should've seen the tiny cuff they used for that! Luckily, he had seen me going through all of these tests last week so he wasn't scared. An echocardiogram is like an ultrasound and Tobes has been to two ultrasounds to see his sister so he was very brave and the doctor had no problem having a good look at his heart.

It was surreal seeing his heart beating. I remember the awe I felt seeing his heartbeat for the first time at my six week ultrasound. It was amazing to think that the little shrimp we were looking at had a beating heart and that it would continue to beat, without a break, for the rest of his life. Seeing it again today was just as amazing but also slightly disturbing. Seeing Toby's heart made me realise how fragile life can be and I know I held his hand a little tighter at the thought of it.

After the doctor had a good look around she confirmed what I had thought, Toby doesn't have mitral valve prolapse. Then the doctor said, 'But I've seen something else.' My whole body went cold.

Apparently, Toby has a condition called ASD which means he has a small hole between the upper chambers of his heart. All children are born with a hole in their heart but it usually closes up soon after birth. They think that Toby's hole hasn't closed properly. This could mean a number of things. The hole could close up on its own in a few years as Tobes matures or he might have to have an operation to close the hole. If he does need an op, it would be a kind of keyhole surgery and it might even be able to be done as day surgery. My sudden, erratic thoughts of dangerous open-heart surgery and Tobes with a big scar down his chest were, thankfully, unfounded.

The next thing that happens is that a specialist is consulted and a decision is made about what action to take. It's going to feel like a very long wait but the doctor said that Tobes showed no signs of any complications from the condition and he was in no danger.

I'm trying to be sensible about this but there's a part of me that's in absolute agony. Everytime I look at Tobes I think about his little heart pumping away and I just want to hold him and kiss him and protect him from everything bad in the world. I'm so glad we've got a fun, busy weekend ahead of us. I think it'll do us all some good.

For some general info on ASD, click on the link below:

http://www.heartcenteronline.com/myheartdr/common/articles.cfm?Artid=136&startpage=1&#1