Holy moly, I'm tired

J is in Cambridge at the moment. He went up yesterday with work and Tobes and I were going to join him and exploit his expense account but things seemed to be conspiring against us. First the car broke down, then I remembered that I have to be back in time for my maternity portrait on Saturday morning (so no long weekend) and I forgot that Tobes has school until 5.00 which would mean a fairly late drive up. So Tobes and I stayed home.

That was fine except that I really hate it when J's away when I'm pregnant. I just feel so vulnerable and, though I know the chance is very slim, I always worry about going into labour and J not being here. I would hate for him to miss it but even more than that I would be terrified to go through it alone. So I laid in bed and watched Britney & Kevin Chaotic, a show about Marc Quinn's sculpure in Trafalgar Square, Newlyweds and some other entertaining crap on VH1. Finally turned the light off around 1am then Tobes woke up at 4am with a nightmare.

Tobes said he dreamt that J was crying really loudly on the stairs because he was going to miss Toby so much. Talk about being freaked out. I live in constant fear that something is going to happen to Tobes or J if they're out of my sight for a second. I hadn't spoken to J since about 8.00pm and I knew he was going out to dinner so I immediately felt sick and thought the worst. Tobes was quite upset so we called J and woke him up just after 4.00 so that Tobes could talk to him. All was fine, thank goodness.

I couldn't get Toby back to sleep until 5.30 and then he was awake for the day by 7.30. It's been a long, cranky day for both of us and I foresee a very early night. I've got my maternity portrait in the morning and I don't want to look exhausted. I think I'm definitely going to do a Demi and go nude for at least a few of the pics so I need to get up early enough for a thorough body scrub and moisturise. I've never seen myself naked in a photograph before. It's going to be very strange. Surprisingly, I don't feel the least bit concerned about being nude in front of the photographer. He did our family portrait about 18 months ago and he's a professional. I'm sure he's seen it all before.